When things don't work according to you

I have always been that unlucky one who cannot make things work according to her choice. People don't take me seriously. For everyone I am still that child who just speaks because everyone else around is speaking.

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I went mad today because of my son. Now, I was a bad student in school and I know the humiliation that one has to face if they don't score well. So, I have always make it a point to teach him what he needs to learn beforehand even if that meant I had to skip my meals. During his exam times I make sure that he revises all his topics well so that there is no scope of him scoring less. I don't let him simply memorize the answers instead teach him the facts right with multiple examples. sometimes he is not in a mood to tell me the answers and during those times I repeat the answers many times so that he learns them just by listening.

I actually speand a lot of time helping him do his work and in turn I just expect him to do what is needed. It's for his own good, I don't expect a penny from him in the future. I just want to see him happy in life. I don't want him to face the humiliation of being a bad student that I faced during my schooling days.

Today he got his results and he had lost around 15 marks in one subject and couple of marks in others. Now, I don't expect him to score 100%. I understand that there could be some mistake. But 15 marks in math, his strongest subject was unbelievable for me. I had a mild shock that I couldn't control. We had spent 3 days revising math portions and there was no way that he could go wrong anywhere.

I actually thought there could be some mistake so I asked him with filled eyes about where he lost marks and it is then he is telling me that he lost marks because he didn't attempt 2 questions and did some mistakes in calculations. I couldn't control my anger. Otherwise patient me couldn't keep that smile pasted on her lips anymore. If stabbing was not a crime then my son would have been a victim today.

My husband told me to relax, but I just couldn't. I kept fuming the entire day while my son was chilling at his grandparents home playing video games. Kids these days have no remorse. He just said I won't repeat it next time and it's done. Now, I would not have had a problem if he did the problem wrong, but not attempting it was a crime in my eyes. I cried to my husband telling him what I expected and what he had done.

My husband didn't understand why I was so disappointed. It actually made me think if it is my son or me who needs a therapist. I had really bad school memories and am really scared to imagine by son experiencing the same.

But then, I guess what has to happen will happen. No one can change your luck. You'll have to face what you are destined to.