💔 Feeling the Distance more than ever 💔 How did I get here? 🛄 What does the Future hold for me 😕

🌊 Inspired by the posts from @thedarkhorse and remembering that I invented #dear-diary decided to get an entry done.

Having ended up in Panama in January 2007, on my annual winter get-away and accidentally just moved right in, Marrying a super sweet lady. just about a year into my time there and a large reason I settled down instead of sailing across the Pacific ( another side plan ).

I'm really feeling the distance to my Canadian Family. Especially my 2 Children ( Son & Daughter ) and now a Grandson almost 3 years old ( Thank You, Curtis & Amanda ).

Now, I'm thinking how far back I want to go...how & why did I start my winter long get-aways, and why Panama this particular year? Way too much for this sitting so how about just what I'm feeling today?. Good, let's get to it...

Reading a steemit story about a man's life and his children, I offered a Vote and reply to a job well done. I met @thedarkhorse playing poker at https://www.lucksacks.com and we did some chatting while flipping cards, which led me to his blog and got this whole thing going.

The time I spent with my children was incredible to me, Participating in creating life, And watching those lives take form is intense. Sometimes taking things too seriously other times not enough. Failed relationships with both their mothers when they were very young and doing my best to keep things civil between us and maintaining close relationships with my children was an exercise in extreme inner passion and drive not to fail any further in spite of myself.

As a general rule, I tried to work only 2 weeks on then 2 weeks off and have the children 1/2 the time live with me. when school was involved made that arrangement more difficult to maintain. Moving to the mainland with my Daughters mother further complicated things with a 2-hour ferry trip each way and the logistics involved with that on both ends.

With those days long behind us, I'm happy to say that for the most part, things didn't deteriorate much or any further. Several new and eventually failed relationships with all of us rarely had any impact on maintaining civility amongst us. And at the same time created for our children many close/loving relationships with a wealth of family like members created through those relationships. But not all, were what you would call healthy. ( that's just life ) it's all a learning experience. I remember 1 Christmas season, My Son had so many visits and gifts from all these people on both parental sides it was a week-long affair and seemed like the party was never going to end.

Have I digressed...Yes, let's get back to Today. So much to say and lots of time to do it, just not all in 1 blog.

Today and this summer was a blue period. Having accomplished my first annual Canadian Summer visit last year and vowing to repeat it. Found myself this summer locked in an Immigration ( permanent residency application ) and not being able to leave Panama during the process and missing my second annual trip North. 50/50 not such a good average in only 2 years.

Having a Grandson is a whole new game changer, while adults kind of just fall into a routine and not much changes from year to year, every day is a new adventure to a young child and I want to be there for some of that and share in the experience. So this summer while necessary was a real heartbreaker for me. A few video skypes here and there is insignificant to hanging out in person.

Silly being in Panama for 11 years and married for 10, buying land and building a house as a tourist. It was feasible in the past but Immigration has lowered the boom on permanent tourists here mostly because of mass migration here from Venezuelan's seeking refuge from their country's collapse.

I didn't budget for such a long lull without work ( work permit is still not in ) but have a 2 year residency now, instead of a permanent residency that was promised this year. And am eligible for a Panama drivers licence for the first time. Visitors here can only legaly drive for 3 months, but visit for 6?. Stupid but true ( and now being enforced ). with a little cash under the dash transaction enough to see you driving away.

I cashed out about 1/3 of the steem I have earned here last week and have tightened my belt a notch living off the proceeds till things turn around. work permit or a trip to Canada to top up the funds with some Family visits to boot. hopefully after the winters thaw. LOL

When I first started here at steemit I expected to do more personal and heart felt life stories for Family and friends to read and maybe pass down through generation? I Know You ! Get Intimate with Me - and All Future Generations to come but that has fallen behind due to a hundred other interests and learning here.

I already like to visit past posts and it's only been 5 months. Thinking of dusting off and dressing up a few I did at the start with zero readers. LOL

I'll try to fill in many gaps as the days roll by...Thanks for your interest

Thanks for reading and supporting my blog, I 💗 Comments...

My Signature Post ---> Hop on My Love Train ( with music )

Life is Good @ steemit.com 💗