misery loves company, making me a lousy date

in dating •  25 days ago  (edited)

I’d rather be single and happy than be with someone who is unhappy.

My friends nicknamed him Eeyore. I hoped he would find his cheerful days thinking he was simply dealing with the stress of transitions. After being the ear to a constant report of misery, I told him the burdens he carried were too much for me. He disliked his family, his job bored him and even his cat was a disappointment. I listened and gave sunnier perspectives. I wanted to be the optimistic friend that inspired him to be happy and plan fun times. I think I annoyed him.

In the end, he may have felt like I didn’t sympathize enough. I saw that he allowed others to not respect his boundaries. I mentioned this to him as nicely as possible on several occasions where he vented his unhappiness. There was always something foiling his day.

Some people need an audience everyday. Validate me, validate me, validate me. You’re so cold. You don’t care. Get back here and listen to me!

To those people, I ask....

Did you even say hello and ask how my life is? When was the last time you told me you followed my advice and it helped and that you’re happy we are in one another’s life? When was the last time you made me laugh?

I had a roommate who always mourned the unfairness of life and hated making decisions on her own. She would consult her friends even for mundane decisions like which bookshelf should she buy. I found it odd how helpless she was because she interviewed so well and presented herself as a go-getter positive person. I couldn’t play the piano in peace at home because she needed constant advice and would interrupt me. She gave a loud sigh each time she walked past me at the piano. After two months, I invited her to move out and live with her nearby relatives. She told me I should be more supportive. She was a presumptuous stranger that took too long to leave in the end.

I know 7 year old kids with more grit and nerve. I know people in their 70’s who plan adventures. I have a lot of patience and hope to watch things turn around but when a grandma or a munchkin is outshining a pity party, it’s easy to walk away and no amount of guilt-tripping will inspire me to stay.

The world is full of miserable people. Our life purpose is not to make everyone happy or make others sacrifice their time and energy. If I continued serving either of these people who didn’t honor my boundaries, how long would it take before they are happy enough for us to finally be happy together? Maybe some think that life is about making sacrifices here and now and happiness is for when we die. Will happiness be met at Heaven’s gate or will some folks tell God......

Life was ok. People sucked big time. So happy to finally be dead.



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