YOGA BALL MURDER CASE! - Comedy Open Mic Comedy Contest - Round 30
Far too many people are currently fixated on the “Crazy Rich Asians” movie. To me, it’s not really that appealing. For sure we learned a great deal about ridiculous jet setting lifestyles, dysfunctional family relationships, improving on existing ass kissing techniques, dealing with potential monster-in-law from hell situation and so forth. Overall, it is really the story of the top 1 % of the population. So crazy rich Asian people own the power to purchase 70% of already well-known luxury brands on Earth and the Sun probably orbit a tad faster around them. Big deal! Scoffing…
Even our ex-Fat Lady of Malaysia (FLOM) never fail to fascinate us endlessly with her fashion sense in regards to the exclusivity of the House of Sesame. By the way, BIJAN means sesame in Malay. For sure the movie entitled DUKUN or witch doctor in English would perform far better domestically compared to the not as creative “Crazy Rich Asians” in terms of commercial box office success.
The time has finally arrived to shift our attention onto the murder of the year as it was way more worthwhile our concern and because I said so. The innocent yoga ball meant for Pilates exercises and occasionally turned into a chair when one ran out of furniture was recently converted into a deadly tool. I’m pretty sure this murder case has the potential to be turned into a box office movie in the near future due to the novelty of the killing method. Anyway, all my intimate fantasies associated with the ball is now destroyed thanks to this case.
There are numerous more outstanding methods to kill a person. Over the years our Hong Kong comrades inspired us with so many gruesome stories such as the Hello Kitty Murder or the Human Barbeque Pork Murder. Yet, he chose the YOGA BALL. Did the wife insult the anesthesiologist Professor husband for his lack of balls hence this was his sinister way of reacting to her taunts?
Despite the novelty of the murder method, the accused fail to consider several important issues. First and foremost is the paper trails leading to the acquisition of carbon monoxide gas. It is a controlled poison gas so obviously not that many people are authorized to purchase it legally. Secondly, again not that many people among the general population have the technical know hows or proper tools to fill up a yoga ball with carbon monoxide gas let alone committing suicide with it. Thirdly, professionals can easily ruled out the possibility of car exhaust leakage. Lastly, Hong Kong is just too efficiently run to get away with murder.
The lessons we can learn from this tragedy are:
- Seek help from a marriage counselor to resolve relationship issues.
- If wife refuse to divorce and demanded hefty alimony, hypnotize her into signing legal documents.
- If hypnotism fail, get a one way flight ticket then buy citizenship in any South American country. That way, you can avoid her nagging for good.
- Be a monk. Don’t ever get married so one need not resort to instructions 1 to 3. The population will reduce significantly hence the effects of global warming might be reversed.
Thank you so much for reading!
Cheers,
@wittywheat
I'd like to nominate @ltcih to showcase his undiscovered talents and @kevinwong for his awesome sense of humor.
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Thank you to @matytan for the great banner
those yoga balls are a murderous bunch. i too am constantly threatened by yoga ball that consistently tries to commit murder by accident.
Hahaha... Agree. Sometimes just a simple slip and fall accident can be fatal.
death by exercise
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I have heard a lot of potential solutions to halt global warming, but having everyone become a monk is a new one! XD
Over attachment to the impermanence of life is the cause of most suffering. The victim of homicide died probably due to her refusal to divorce the accused perhaps out of attachment to the idea that she could salvage the marriage if she would just hang in there. On the other hand, the accused was attached to his superficial sense of pride having found a younger new lover.
Anyway, getting back to the global warming issue, humans work hard so that they could provide for their family but they don't understand that at the same time they are also draining resources and causing pollution in the world. Why in the first place did humans produce children? In the past, it was to create more manpower for farming. These days people have children because they cannot stand being alone (cannot be happy with themselves), insurance for the old age, leaving behind a legacy, so that their children fulfill the dreams they fail accomplish themselves, a way to brag to friends that they are fertile and various other selfish reasons. Sometimes, even the most well-intention of all parents have kids that turned out to be narcissists or psychopaths.
I need to start watching the news. Things are getting insane. Well. I guess they were always insane.
It's like they are constantly trying to "creatively" outdo each other. If one cannot achieve fame through conventional method then one gets to be famous via "alternative" method.
I like this one a lot...just plain good writing.
Appreciate your kind compliments. Thanks!