Let me know if I need a suit - Comedy Open Mic Round 29

in comedyopenmic •  19 days ago

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This is my entry for Comedy Open Mic Round 29.

I have multiple custom tools I use to detect and find spam. During a sweep, I came across the account @smidge-tv and after a manual review of the account, I decided to blacklist it.

What followed is quite entertaining and I think makes a great Comedy Open Mic entry.

It all starts here on a post where @smidge-tv shares a YouTube video (mostly all it does, 2-31 times a day).

I am sure you have all seen my badcontent bot that comments on users who are on my blacklist.

4 days ago @smidge-tv responds

At this point, I felt it was worth of popcorn, and decided to call my !popcorn bot to give me a random popcorn eating gif. This is the start of some drama, and where there is drama, there is popcorn. (At least there should be!)

Quick to deliver, @popcornexpress delivered with grace.

This angered @smidge-tv, to which he responded. I'm not sure if it is big mad or small mad at this point.

At this point, I know I was dealing with a simple mind and a delicate constitution. Shortly later I received this response, and at this point, I knew it was going to be exciting.

At this point, I was leaving it in his court, see where it would go.



Oh man, we got a lot of material to work with here, and I took no hesitation to respond. I really needed to know, did I need to buy a suit?

At this point @whatsup responded, I know she is no stranger to drama.

It is true, I know a lot of lawyers, in fact prior to moving my lawyer lived 5 houses down, and in our new house, a lawyer lives directly in front of our house. I have also started and settled some class action lawsuits successfully and sued a rather large company for over $100K in damages. I'm no stranger to lawsuits, nor am I afraid of one because I blacklisted and flagged a spammer. The countersuit would more than make it worthwhile, but we all know there is no lawyer, the Internet is filled with keyboard warriors and empty threats.

I tried to throw an olive branch, enjoy some !pancakes and I'd even share maple syrup with him. I am not from Canada, but I am sure they would be proud. The fact that I got Haiku botted just makes it all the better.

They were delicious though.

At this point, I wonder if he is from Canada, being all considerate and such to my interests. Here is going to sue me for millions because I flagged him around $1 yet he is very concerned about my interests. Surely, he is from Canada. Although he didn't say Sorry at the end of every sentence, so possibly not.

@meno stopped by to give his insight, which I found helpful.

Well,
now @meno is the one stepping up the trolling. He even went so far to start talking to me in Tamil (thank goodness for Google translate).

While I doubt it fooled anyone, I decided to play along with it.

At this point, I am in a holding pattern waiting for the papers. In the meantime, enjoy some !pancakes and !popcorn.

Update

Heard back from smidge-tv, guess I won't need a suit for a bit.

Update #2

Apparently !popcorn bot is going to jail.

I nominate @meno and @smige-tv for next week's Comedy Open Mic.

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Hi themarkymark,

Thank you for your entry in to #comedyopenmic comedy contest. We have asked the judges below to review your entry and give it a funny rating. (They generally have no sense of humor, as the saying goes, those that can't do, start contests and judge).
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Could use a !beer with that !popcorn

This is gold 👍👍👍

Got to give it to him/her/it they are persistent


Thanks for contacting Pancakes Express!

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Please upvote this comment with your order:

UpvoteOrder
$0.01+random delicious pancake
$0.05+excellent pancakes suited for a king or queen
$0.25+party pancakes
$1+best pancakes we have ever made
$?it's ninja!

If you would like to order your own pancakes, just make a comment !pancakes anywhere on the blockchain and we will send you a menu.

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Crazy, me too!

When is Wednesday in Sri Lanka?
Those are the questions one should ask here!
I can't wait for episode 2 of this court drama.

This is always fun, when the come to the SC discord and shouting there, that they want to sue the steemcleaners.
Ah, the fun!

Man, this is brilliant. So deservy of some ...
!pancakes

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Thanks for contacting Pancakes Express!

Would you like to order pancakes?

Please upvote this comment with your order:

UpvoteOrder
$0.01+random delicious pancake
$0.05+excellent pancakes suited for a king or queen
$0.25+party pancakes
$1+best pancakes we have ever made
$?it's ninja!

If you would like to order your own pancakes, just make a comment !pancakes anywhere on the blockchain and we will send you a menu.

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@steemitqa, your pancakes are ready!
Source

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good post but misleading , as pretty much everything else you do here .
is your steemit op legal (not for spamming me but over all) ?
I guess we'll find out . cheers

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Do enlighten us.
!popcorn

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I will , no worries

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awesome, the suspense is killing me.

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have a little patience please

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Of course. I understand these things take time.

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you are smart cookie , I am little surprised you allowed yourself to get into these shenanigans

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It’s Mr. Pancake to you.

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Dude, those guys eating !popcorn look so happy! But I prefer !pancakes don't you?

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Thanks for contacting Pancakes Express!

Would you like to order pancakes?

Please upvote this comment with your order:

UpvoteOrder
$0.01+random delicious pancake
$0.05+excellent pancakes suited for a king or queen
$0.25+party pancakes
$1+best pancakes we have ever made
$?it's ninja!

If you would like to order your own pancakes, just make a comment !pancakes anywhere on the blockchain and we will send you a menu.

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@summertooth, your pancakes are ready!
Source

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Oh lovely. Thank you.

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@summertooth, your pancakes are ready!
Source

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Mmm, you know I love silver dollar's, don't you? Ty

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@summertooth, your pancakes are ready!
Source

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No thanks, I'm full. :)

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! பாப்கார்ன்

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I only made the bot in English, sorry about that.

So many pancakes made me hungry !!

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I know right!

@diebitch you hear this?

You're trying to act tough now, but you talking in that language just proves you're trying to get away with it because you're obviously afraid.

Don't worry, I'm his friend, the lawyer, and I know where you live!

Cheers man

Well, I found my two favourite bots and being Canadian I will share my syrup with everyone.

I'm excited to see how much you get sued for. Sounds like maybe some jail time as well.

Get a neck tattoo before you go.

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.....um, green ink only.

@themarkymark, your pancakes are ready!
Source

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Those are truly glorious.

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I think you might get sued for 35 cents for inflicting emotional damage.
Nothing to snicker about.

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Plus I will need to buy a suit.

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!suit

😉

Looking forward to watching this law suit. lol. I love the classic...

I'm Telling On You! Approach to Online Drama. :)