Awkward story of how i met my first roommate // Comedy Open Mic Round #29 //

in comedyopenmic •  3 months ago


So this is a story about how i met my one of my first roommates during college. An extravagant fellow with a flamboyant personality. If i were to characterize him further id say he was a cross between Cameron from Modern family and Whoopi Goldberg as Whoopi Goldberg in the talk show "The View".
As i said... He was quite a character.
He danced in the best known Croatian folklore group in Zagreb called LADO. Theyre quite well known.


And although he was just somebody that danced there he always liked to jump in during rehearsals and preach choreography.
And when i say preach i can only imagine how bad it was since id have to listen for days about the incompetence of his colleagues and people in charge. He would bend forward with one hand on his hip and the other hand would be clenched into a fist with only a single finger free that would wave around like it had a mind of its own.

I didnt know if was supposed to look at him or watch for the finger so it doesnt poke me in the eye.

Eventually they kicked him out. 😏

But anyways, im digressing. I wanted to tell you guys how i met him.
This was the first year of college and i got into the dorm that was closest to the university i was attending. It was my first time living away from home and it was quite stressful. The university is 15 mins on foot from my dorm and for the first week id get lost every damn day. Everything in Zagreb looked the same. Once i walked for 30 minutes in the wrong direction, finally figured out i must be lost when i saw a guy feeding chickens in his backyard.

So yes.. I was new to the city and it was the first experience of that kind ive had. First time away from home. Which is why it was a wonderful thing i got assigned the kookiest roommate i could have imagined.
Ive been in my dorm room alone for a week or two, being a model student, setting my bed every morning, although i never did that at home, going to bed at 10pm, even though i never did that at home, washing my teeth every morning, although i.... (never mind 😐)...
I was really hoping to stay alone in this room but it just wasnt to be.

I didnt know if and when someone would come. No one told me anything, nor did i know if someone was supposed to tell me something or not. I was just blissful in my innocent ignorance.
I was such a "good boi".... You could have put a bow-tie on me and a dandelion in my shirt pocket and all the aunts and grandmas would say: "Oh such a sweet boy, he is".
I really was new at all this.



One afternoon i was about to take a shower. The dorm had shared showers for all the rooms but they were for a single person. This really didnt bother me since i played basketball and after training we had a shared shower room we used, and these were private so it was an upgrade... (You get used to it)

I picked up my towel, threw it over my shoulder and entered the shower room.



The shower cabin had just a curtain on the side. You would rarely see people enter the bathroom, which was weird because my dorm had a 100 people occupancy and there were only 6 showers in the whole dormitory!

The day was pretty quiet, marijuana didnt smell that bad from the basement nor did my neighbors next door scream at each other in Ukrainian that much. It was quite peaceful.

So i was relaxing, showering, doing regular stuff you do in the shower (nooooo.. not that stuff, jeeez), when i heard a bang on the door.. Mind you, the door of my room was just next to the door of the shower room so i heard it closely.
Few more bangs ensued... BANG BANG.. tapping of shoes on the polished concrete floor and a loud "C" sound you get when you separate your tongue from your palate with sass.



Few seconds of silence and the door of the bathroom start squeaking open. A guy enters the room and stops.
I wasnt really paying attention much, doing my stuff, shampoo in my hair... need to get that spot on my back i cant reach.... when all of a sudden the guy yanks the shower curtain and literally puts his head inside the shower cabin.



I mean you could have imagined my surprise. I froze instantly. I wasnt scared (real men dont get scared🤨 haha) but i was pretty shocked. In my head was a simple sentence in Croatian: "Koji j... k..." or to translate it: "What in the f...... f..."
I was standing there butt naked with the curtain opened and a guy staring me dead in the eyes.

My mind went blank.. Well not blank... If i were a NPC in a video game a big question mark would pop above my head.
Few awkward seconds passed and i asked him: "What exactly are you doing?"...
He answered with:" oh im sorry, my name is XXXX, are you in room 123, im your new roommate"..
and gave me his hand.
I should have slapped him across the head, but in the state of shock i was in and just pure awe at the ridiculousness of the situation, i shook his hand, squinting on one eye shampoo burning me.
He looked at me weirdly and said: "Oh you dont have to be scared"...
WHAAAAAT!?



So he left and entered our room and i was trying to process what just happened. Do i go in and confront him? Do i say nothing?
Finally decided to ask him at least something in the end.
So i went back to my room, dried up and after he put all his stuff in his place i told him:
"Dude, that was super awkward, why did you do that, you had the key to the room, you could have just waited inside, i could have punched you for dropping in during my shower".

And i kid you not.. the guy answered:

"Well i didnt want you to get scared by seeing someone you dont know sitting in your room"..


So you get in the shower with me?!?!?! Why not wait outside!!!



And thats how i met my first roommate. He was a lot older then me and honestly, as crazy as the guy was, i kind of felt bad when he didnt come back next year. The next guy was crazier then him but thats a story for another time.

Haha. Anyways wanted to share this for some reason. I always tell that story during parties when everyone's had a few to drink. It does pretty well most of the times. Its a true story.
Hope i managed to at least get a giggle out of someone. :D

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Hi lordbutterfly,

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Its nice to know the world still has people that respect boundaries 😂😂😂

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Indeed. :D
haha.

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That was a funny story, well told. You kept me reading down to the end to see what would happen.
And you chose the perfect gif for feeling lost -- Travolta's a riot.

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Thank you. Feels nice that someone enjoyed it. I tried to illustrate a bit with photos and gifs since it is an attempt at being funny. 😀

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You just can't make these things up :P

Wow. Can always count on fun people in the world.

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Haha. Fun, awkward, no boundaries.... Yeah plenty of those in the world. 😂😂😂

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Thank you. 😉

Haha, you should have kissed him on the cheek and then slapped his ass when he left.

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That would make for a much interesting story. 😂