Letter To Help Save My Friend From Steem Monster Addiction - @ComedyOpenMic - Round 23 Contest 2nd entry

in comedyopenmic •  19 days ago

steem monster addiction.jpg

Background

I have recently learned about a wonderful program on Steemit where Birdman and Mrs. Birdman host an exciting new show called Therapy Thursdays (Click Here To Read About It). Its really entertaining and I predict the show will go viral very soon. So if you haven't watched it, please do as you will be quite amused :).

Prelude To My Letter

After watching the show and seeing what great therapists these two are, I decided to come forward and try to help my friend (who coincidentally was featured on their show just last week). At first I was going to keep his name hidden, but then I realized that if I have a "public intervention" then maybe he could get some help by not only Birdman and Mrs. Birdman, but maybe by the community too!

Cryptkeeper17 Needs Serious Help, NOW

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Birdman,

I'm a big fan of your show, Therapy Thursdays. I love how you really try to help out the people that truly need it, and this week I have a friend of mine that really needs it. You even know this man as he was the person that send in a letter about F'ing his 2 cousins, and now that I know more about his situation, I realize that was just a smokescreen to hide his inner problems as he has become detached from all reality.

Yes I'm talking about none other than @cryptkeeper17.

Obviously when I saw your show I knew that something strange was going on with him, since I talk to him on a daily basis and F'ing his cousins wasn't normally our topic of conversation. I couldn't quite put my finger on what was exactly wrong, but I started to dig a little and uncovered some serious shit.

First, as you may or may not know he has become quite a fan of Steem Monsters. While that seems normal and fun, what I have noticed lately (in the past month or so) is that he talks about nothing other than Steem Monsters. Fire Beetle this and Sabre Shark that, and don't get me started when he talks about how sexy Naga Warrior is. I mean its literally non-stop. He talks about leveling up at least a dozen times a day, how to get more Rares and Epics, and I think he's even jealous of Magi of the Forest as he keeps saying Lyanna Natura shouldn't be around Magi anymore. I don't even know what he's thinking there.

Quit His Job?

In addition, I asked him how he has so much time to buy these Monsters on the market and he told me that he "quit" his job. I said, "WHAT?". He said, "Yes, its was a pretty boring job anyways and besides I don't think I had a future there anyways."

Well, if you don't know about cryptkeeper17's job, then let me enlighten you. Because it is anything but boring.

He is a hot dog vendor in a women's prison. Yes, that's right... he literally sells his hot dog and buns to women prisoners.

(Picture of cryptkeeper17 at work in Decemeber of 2017)

womens prison with hog dog salesman.jpg

Now I know it isn't the most challenging job, but come on dude seriously?

Something Went Awry

So I called the warden of the prison and asked her how come he quit. And the answer was really really sad, because he didn't quit, he got fired (and almost thrown in jail).

It turns out that Cryptkeeper17 had gone from being the most loved employee of the prison (literally), to the one that was feared the most. She said that about a month ago he kept pretending to be different people. At first they thought it was cute.

He was a Pirate Captain one day and a SilverShield Warrior the next. He was fun and the prisoners liked it too! He even got some of the prisoners to play along and dress up as the Angel of Light, Enchantress of the Night, and the Mischievous Mermaid. But oddly he really liked the fire characters, like Malric Inferno, Fire Demon, and Serpent of the Flame. He and Skinny Bula (pictured right) just loved to carry on and on, they loved to play with fire and were quite the pair of firebugs for sure.

Then one day out of nowhere, Cryptkeeper17 came in and said Zintar cast a spell on him and now he IS the Fire Demon.

To make matters worse, he tossed away his homemade fire-stick and brought in a military grade flame-thrower and started burning down the prison. There was so much fire, it was like hell had opened up and everyone was running everywhere to escape the flames and smoke. When the guards tried to stop him, he said that he needed to level up and couldn't stop until he maxed out his power.

It took 27 commercial water hoses and 45 firemen to stop him, and even then he kept saying "F..K you Water Elemental, just wait until I see you in the next round, you'll pay".

I'm not a psychiatric professional like the two of you, but it seemed like he is suffering from Steem Monster Addiction.

Please help my friend Birdman and Mrs. Birdman. My friend is addicted to Steem Monsters and I don't know what to do!

My 2nd entry for #comedyopenmic, Round 23

https://steemit.com/comedyopenmic/@comedyopenmic/comedy-open-mic-comedy-contest-round-23

Rules can be found here

Nomination: @simplymike and @lynncoyle1

hot dog stand in prison yard cigarette lighter image

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These allegations are false, I have needed help for years. How I dress IS MAA BUISNESS. You guys and your shenanigans, I Now I am off to make a peanut butter and jelly monster sandwich. Like the gentleman in my profile said on the silver screen while this picture was taken "...you guys, I got to keep my eye on you."

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lol.... love the pic, good representation! and hahaha yes I know, but I had to keep the post to a certain length or people would've be able to give such good advice on how to help you :)

I did have a bit in there about you stopping drugs and dealing with your cousins, Ice Cream and Candy... But it made the post too long and didn't really catch the essence of your addiction!

Oh god damn it. Take my vote. On a side note has anyone checked on his cousins? Their trailers may have burnt down to rubble and the authorities need to know it is not just the normal meth lab explosion involved.

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did someone say pirate hooker? Argh you want to see me dagger

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Do you mean Ice Cream and Candy? Last I heard, they were doing well and just waiting for @cryptkeeper17 to join them.... Wake him up will you DDC?

Okay, we're on it. I knew there was something fishy about that guy when I asked whether he wanted the SBD or SBI shares he said just send me an epic and a rare and we'll call it even.

I didn't know what he meant until now.

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hahaha... whewww... glad you can see it now... I hope he listens to you both or I'm afraid he's down that rabbit hole forever! :P

Hah @davemccoy that was really cool smart and fun)) I wish @cryptkeeper17 the soonest recovery, but according to your story and the whole picture of decease it seems more probable for steemmonsters team to make prison hot-dog seller fire elemental character card sooner than your friend will quit his addiction.
Can I somehow vote for your entry?

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lol... I will get with @aggroed and @yabapmatt and see if they want to do that... You are right, it might just be easier to make a new card than fix @cryptkeeper17... He's pretty far gone at this point anyways :P

and thank you for the offer to vote on my entry, I really don't know how that works... But I'm glad you liked it, that is actually all the vote I need :D

Haha, Therapy Thursdays. Sounds like something we might all need at some point:)

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lol... yes PK... if you watch their show you will see that we should all be on their couch getting advice :P

Sorry for what your friend is going through, I've seen too many fall to this addicion but lucky him you're there for him. And coz of that I'm hopeful that with the support of the community he will recover soonest.

@cryptkeeper17, It's never too late to accept help you know :)

Posted using Partiko Android

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haha... Thanks for the back up here @ange.nkuru... That is nice and glad to have you helping our friend @cryptkeeper17.

hahaha Dave, this is hilarious :) Hot dog vendor in a woman's prison and Skinny Bula just killed me :)

You're the second person to nominate me, so I guess I've got to come up with something better than my pussy now. How on earth am I supposed to do that??!!

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I thought you might get a kick out of my twisted humor! (since you have a dirty mind) :P ... Well I'm not sure you can find something better than your pussy, but you should give it a try ;)

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It's a hard one to beat Dave :)

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@lynncoyle1 hahaha... I"m sure it is.... lol, great comeback!

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haha thanks! Thought you'd get it :)

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I did.... great minds, remember ;)

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I don't know but will definitely be waiting to see what could possibly top your pussy. I was the lucky nominee victim last week. If I can can pull it off you should be a shoe in.

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haha @headchange, thanks for the vote of confidence, but as of yet, I haven't been able to come up with some better. Such pressure!😅

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Well next round is starting up. You got time to think of something funny.

hahahaha! I'm dying! I want one of these next, looooool!!! It is true you can go overboard but it's just so much fun! I have literally stayed up 22 hours straight or so with these Monsters, lol! Hell- it's like 3 am now- EST I'm in You were so funny! Brilliant!

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@clove71 I figured you would like this one! It takes one of us (fellow SteemMonster addicts to truly get the humor in this post)... I'm glad you saw it and liked it and I know exactly how you feel pulling a 22 hr shift :P ... 😂

Hahhahah hilarious (sorry @cryptkeeper17) I almost wet my undies here... thanks for this great post! So funny hahah...

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@anouk.nox I'm glad you liked it 😂 ... And poor @cryptkeeper17, he will need lots of therapy but he is used to being the butt of the jokes! :P

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He'll manage right lol

Hahaha LMAO ... Hopefully recovery will get there soon. And by the way, private hookers make a shitload of money

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@kymaticus hahaha to you too :) ... I'm not sure if you think he should get a hooker or become a hooker, but either way I think @cryptkeeper17 needs to hear this advice :D

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It all depends on where he want the money to go: if it is away, then go to the hookers. If it is towards him, then he has to become one.

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@kymaticus haha... good point... I think @cryptkeeper17 might prefer to keep his money, so I guess that should set him on the proper path!

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@kymaticus thanks for letting me know you liked it :D

Alright, next season of "orange is the new black" is already written.

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@corpsvalues lol... That would be a good one for sure! hahaha

Sounds like a loosing battle to me. He is not looking like the type to "admit he is powerless over monsters and his life has become unmanageable"

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It always starts with denial

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@headchange yes you are correct, that's why I had to bring in the professionals... if they can't help him, then nobody can! :P

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party pooper

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@headchange awww don't say that... How are you doing so far this week? Made any signs for anyone?

Have you tried throwing a Pokeball at his head?
Doesn't matter which one.
Just throw hard.

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lol... that's great advice... Although he might start going around an trying to trap those monsters and train them too :P

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Smells like Comedy Open Mic Round 24 Entry #1 to me! ;)

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@sharanaithal lol... thanks... I think I squeezed it into #23, but either round is ok with me... I simply just love this contest and initiative!

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And we love to have you!
#wholesomereplies
;P

Good. Nicely captured these photos. All the best. Fun is really helpful to live a life.

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@rhythmoflife thank you very much :) ... I agree, having fun is one of the biggest challenges we all should accept with glee! :D

Hi davemccoy,

Thank you for your entry in to #comedyopenmic comedy contest. We have asked the judges below to review your entry and give it a funny rating, this will determine your ultimate position when the results are tallied.

Judges:

If you have any questions or quieries please feel free to contact one of the judges or come say hi in discord: Click Here

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Thank you to @matytan for the great banner

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awesome... as long as I don't have @beeyou... :P ... just kidding... you all are great and I am just happy to have a forum to have some fun with cool people :)

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Too bad you didn’t get me as a judge. Crypt and his monsters! 😂 Addiction is a serious business. We should all sympathize with his attraction for Lyanna and Selenia. The love story is far too unobtainable but being how deep he is in his monster world..well, he may be with them both right now!

He will need to seek advice from the one and only @profanereviews on this one.

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yes actually, I wonder if I can switch you and @doomsdaychassis as the judges... He does my sexist post and you do the steemmonster one... That way I have a chance :D .... and yes poor poor crypt... he is in fact in deep :P

I hope the Birdman and Mrs. Birdman can give him some good advice for sure ;)

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