Jimmy Shit .... Comedy Open Mic Comedy Contest - Round 38

That's a good one.

That's a really good one.

That's a great one

That's good too.

Jimmy Shit has been coming to us for 33 years and never once did he say a film was bad. He says they are good to rush me along so he can get going. Jimmy is a mobile DVD rental company. He comes every Friday to my house after he goes to my parents. The protocol of the exchange is he comes into the house, I pay him 5 euro for 2 DVD's for the week. He collects the two from last week. Then I follow him out to the van. I have a look through his DVD library and I chose the 2 DVD's I want like to watch this week.

Have you got the new Lady Gaga one yet....... something in the stars? I asked Jimmy this morning.

I just gave it to Mrs Burke sighs Jimmy apologetically.

I've got the new Queen one though

Perfect, I forgot about that one

Give me that and that tightrope one

I pay Jimmy the 5 quid and off he goes down the road to his next customers. Jimmy is a nice guy. In his 50's now but still young looking. A cross between McGyver and a werewolf but yet not scary. Everyone knows Jimmy. My dog is a rescue dog and is afraid of everyone apart from myself , my wife, the grandparents and Jimmy. Sometimes Jimmy comes in and sits down and we have a chat and sometimes he is in a rush but I always have two films to watch every week all down to Jimmy. He will have the Lady Gaga one for me next week of course. Sometimes I give him a list and he has them for me the week after. I have seen films off Jimmy that have not hit the Irish cinemas yet. Half way through a giant banner slides in that the DVD is not for general viewing.
Jimmy you rascal

So why does everyone call him Jimmy Shit? It comes from the introduction of the VHS video recorder and the start of Jimmy's business. Jimmy was ahead of his time. He saw a gap in the market and started renting VHS videos before any company. He has been coming to my family home ever since we got our first VHS video recorder. I was 4 and the first video we got was Bengy. Some film about a little dog. The VHS video was very tempermental so we spent alot of the time pressing the tracking button to see if we could get a better picture. After so many watches from Jimmy's clientel most of the videos were shit. After a while everyone was refering to Jimmy Shit Video. The video was dropped as it didn't roll off the tongue and Jimmy Shit Video became Jimmy Shit.

The dawn of the DVD saw Jimmy's business venture turn from shit into a thriving business and with his wife at home burning the latest releases onto DVD's, Jimmy started to clean up. The DVD's had a clear picture quality and 5 quid for two DVD's for a week was excellent value. Jimmy was now in demand. Jimmy hit around 100 houses a day. €500. Not a bad days work. You would wonder how he didn't get caught for copyright over the years but the police have bigger fish to fry and another reason is that alot of the cops are also his loyal customers.
A story came out recently about the local police were on a steak out to bring down a major drug dealer in the town. They were monitoring a house and who was going in and out of the premises over a couple few months. Jimmy was one of those people but the police knew he wasn't involved and Jimmy went down to the police after the house was raided to say he had no association with drugs other than giving the dealer a couple of DVD's every week. He was ruled out of the enquiries immediately as the police knew he wasn't that type of character.
When the boom times hit, Jimmy expanded his business and had guys working for him in a few cities close by. He even got into the selling TV's to his customer base.
Here's a few DVD'S Una. I've a 46 inch plasma outside in the van if you want a look. A tener a week for one year.
I came home one night to a giant TV in the living room of my parents.
He threw in a new DVD player as well said my father delighted with himself.


It was actually great value for money. Jimmy also sold the old television and came back with 40 quid 2 hours later. One day the fridge croked it and Jimmy had a fridge in the door in a couple of hours when the mother put out the shit signal.

My father is an avid film watcher and him and Mr Ryan from next door used to swap DVD's on the Wednesday every week so they were getting value for money. Mr Ryan was well into his 70's and used to do a little film preview at the doorstep while handing over his 2 films he had watched. Sometimes the father would tell Jimmy to leave two DVD's at the porch because he was gone out. One week he had got Lady Chatterley's lovers on DVD. It was Tuesday when he watched it and it was basically a soft porn film. He was worried because he had to swap with Mr Ryan on the Wednesday. When Mr Ryan called to the door, he gave my father a review of his two films. My father handed his to to him.

This one is a bit on the steamy side

Steamy?? asked Mr Ryan

My father gave a wink.

Steamy he replied again.

Off out the gate mr Ryan went with the porn film under his arm. My father uneasy as he walked in the door.
That fella is going to have a heart attack tonight watching that one
His glasses will steam up when he see's Lady Chatterley in action.

Mr Ryan arrived at the door on Friday to swap back the DVD's.
Steamy indeed he said to my father with a wink,
From that day on if there was any bit of sex in a film, Mr Ryan would point out when it got a bit steamy in the doorstep film review.

It gets a bit steamy in the middle now Richie!
There's a bit of steam at the start Richie!
This is the steamiest film I've ever watched

were some of the steamy conversations Mr Ryan had with my father.

With the dawn of Netflix Jimmy is now getting more into the kitchen appliances end of the market but there is still demand for the DVD's. My daughter is starting to talk at the moment and can say the dogs name. Jimmy was the second one she got right. The guy should write a book. He tells me some stories about going into people's houses and taking the DVD's back while everyone is strung out. He knows everyone. He goes on mad holidays to the places like the Antartic and he was recently in Nepal at Everest base camp. Behind it all Jimmy Shit is a really good businessman and he looks after his loyal customer base. Instead of Jimmy shit he should be called Jimmy high quality copies. He could never knock off the name from the VHS era.
Jimmy Shit.
We salute you.

I nominate
@blacklux
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