How To Write A Persuasive E-mail That Will Get You What You Want

in charity •  5 months ago

Write A Cold Email That Converts.png

During the raffle at the charity event we held for earthquake victims in Lombok last night, I was talking to a guy who I had just met who does yoga (it is Bali, so, not surprised).

But he also writes books about persuasion. That's actually relevant somehow, I promise.

Anyway, so, while winners of the raffle were being announced...

...we were talking and he said something like "wow, those are some great prizes! Did you know they were going to be giving away all that stuff?"

And I said, "yeah, I helped plan it and I got some of those prizes."

He replied "really? How did you get the companies to agree to give away such good stuff?"

And I just shrugged and responded with a simple "I don't know. I just sent them an e-mail. It was pretty easy. They said yes probably because it was for charity."

Which I actually do think is true, for the record.

I also think that I wrote a semi-decent e-mail, but I didn't want to say that or come off too confident (for a girl who could only manage to figure out how to get one earring in her ear instead of two).

But I wasn't going to get into that. Until for some strange reason, he brought it up.

He said "I'd like to see the e-mail you wrote so I can analyze it."

Kind of a weird request but maybe it's fun for people who write books about persuasion.

So, just for kicks n' giggles, to see what he would say about it...

...I sent him a copy of one of the exact e-mails I sent to potential donors and sponsors for our event.

I was surprised by his response.

Here's a copy of the exact e-mail I sent to help raise funds for the charity event:

cold email asking for charity donations.png

Ok, so I signed off with my real name, because how weird would it be if I signed off like that? haha.

But that's the letter I used for new businesses.

I did intentionally use at least a few of principles of persuasion...

... but I loved his response so much that I just had to share it with you guys.

He explained beautifully (and much better than I would have) as to why the e-mail worked:

  1. Started with “you” pronoun
  2. Gave a compliment to relate to them (cute spa)
  3. Introduced a problem they have that you can help solve (get reviews)
  4. Gave them benefits (exposure)
  5. Social proof showing that another yoga studio already gave a lot
  6. Differentiation from competition as another benefit (will stand out)

So there ya have it.

It's always good to put yourself in the shoes (or flip-flops) of the person who will be reading your e-mail.

I always like to ask myself "If I was reading this...would I give this person the time of day? Would I even finish reading it? Would I even open the e-mail?"

And then I try to write in a way that if I were in their shoes, I wouldn't want to completely gouge my eyes out.

What the person on the other end of the computer screen cares about is what's in it for them.

And so yes... the event was for charity and since the people were impacted by the earthquakes were so close to our community, people really do want to help because it's close to home.

But make it easy for them to say yes and difficult for them to say no.

Then you can really level up to the next level ('cause I mean where else would you level up to?).

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Wow, is this some sort of natural talent or your experience from teaching contributed? This is really cool. Now I know why you encouraged me in my letter to MasterCard some time ago.

You are 'Terrifically' Awesome.

I am back from my journey and will do a lot of catching up on your blog before the month runs out.

Stay Awesome and keep up your good works.


I'd say from teaching! My e-mails used to be really impersonal and robotic like the kind they teach you to send in school. I don't know why they teach that...nobody reads those haha.

Same with cover letters when applying for a job!

I LOVED how you emailed MasterCard. You're always doing such awesome things @emjoe!


I see.

Stay as you are (Awesome)

That was a really amazing email...And the person analysed it perfectly.
Great tips indeed.


hehe thanks!


Your email was impressive and persuasive ... I loved it:)

Posted using Partiko Android

Good information

looks like you have the power of persuasion after all lol


haha I didn't know! The power is real!