We are all just perfect the way we are...
September is always a very deep self exploring month for me. I dig deep into my soul, and I think about what I have achieved in life, and it has a build-up up to my birthday. I think a lot about things that I can change in my life and to make it better for myself and for the others around me.
It's just my thing. It helps me learn things about myself. I have never really cared what people think of me, or so I thought, but this year I have come to the conclusion that I do actually care what people think of me.
I want people to like me!
Damn....all these years, I told myself that I don't care what people think of me, but in fact, I care more than you can imagine.
I stumbled upon this quote from Anne Sexton a while ago, and it hit me hard and deep.
"I fear I will be ripped open and found unsightly."
My greatest fear in life, is to be ridiculed!
Although I live by my own rules and mostly have things my way, there has always been that little part of me that just wants to fit in, so that I can be like the rest of the world. Isn't that a silly thought?
Fitting in has always been hard for me. I feel as if I have to prove my worth, otherwise people won't like me. The fact that I am a such a sensitive freak doesn't help either.
I am a very straight forward person and perhaps that is what scares people off. I am not influenced easily, and I tend to follow my own ideas rather than to follow a trend.
When I feel uncomfortable about something, I make myself scarce. I don't make friends easily, and I tend to keep to myself, because I don't want to be a disappointment to anyone else.
Perhaps it is just the way I grew up. When we are small, we have these hopes and dreams but we never know exactly how life is going to turn out. Most of the things we learn in life, comes from what we see from others, family members and our teachers. They help mold us into the person we become.
Once we are grown up, we are left to live on our own to explore the world, without any rule book. The real stuff comes in when we start living on a more emotional level. Because we are exposed to so many factors from the outside, we don't always know what it is the right thing to do... we get confused.
Life would have been so much easier if there were just certain rules to follow!
How do you know if something is right for you?
The one good thing that comes with age, is wisdom. We can only live life by trial and error. Sometimes things work out perfectly and sometimes they don't... Life is not always moonshine and roses and sometimes the road is full of thorns.
Many people have this dream of being like someone else. They have these goals and dreams to be like their idol and will go beyond the stars to do something similar to what their idol does. Why are you trying to be like someone else? Why can't we just all be ourselves?
I have such a hard time just trying to be myself, that I honestly don't have time to try to be someone else.
Life is all about choices. Life is a wonderful journey of exploration. One of my favorite quotes comes from a Harry Potter book I've read.
"It is truly our choices that show what we are, far more than our abilities."
Don't try to be someone else. Just be yourself. Life is hard and difficult sometimes, you will make mistakes, but that is the only way to learn.
Wow, It seems like a moment of revelation.
Sometimes, we got surprised by what we discover about ourselves. We usually remember only the situations that support our beliefs (either positive or negative) about ourselves. That is why it is very difficult to objectively judge oneself. We believe that we are strong and drop situations when we weren't. We do the same when we believe that we are weak. Knowing what is right doesn't necessarily mean It has become part of whom we are, neither it mean people have to see us the same way.
Being ridiculed is very frightening when we believe that our social image is critical to our lives, It is very difficult to mitigate that fear when you are living in societies where live very close to each other and in each other lives. but generally how someone perceives someone else is nothing more than a thought in his mind. It is our conditioning that makes it look huge.
No one can be someone else no matter how much he tries. He would eventually end up in a state of limbo between whom he truly is and whom he wants to be, with a feeling of emptiness within that can't be healed without dropping all of what is inauthentic and tuning into one's soul.
Happy birthday!!
May this be a great year for you and yours. One of great joy and even greater fulfilment.
From a fan.
Enjoy the day and the new year ahead, reflection is good. Knowing yourself, living comfortably in your own skin is best, even though most of us never achieve this success.
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