The Reason Why You Still Think You're a Failure

Me at Pandin Lake 01/21/17


Failing is inevitable, but being a failure is a choice whether it is the decision to be labeled as such or to simply live that way. I was once that person a year ago. I could not even tell that I was a work in progress at that time. Sure, I had the goals but I never had any bit of motivation or plan to work towards it. I knew I was a trash stuck in a dumpsite, letting herself drift away like it was the only way to go. "It's okay, you're broken", they say as I continue to drown myself in alcohol and burn cash in night outs and all the excess there ever was in my life at that point. I never liked that phrase.

Sure, I have been through a lot of difficult times at an early age (at least in other people's point of view). They all thought that me being that almost hopeless excuse of a person at that time was an acceptable result of my parents splitting up. It's funny because, I never felt the need to use that as an excuse or explanation for any of the wrong choices I have made. Even during the fresh post-split-up of my parents, I never felt like it was something big of a deal or a drama to feel like I carried everything in this world and that I deserve a different kind of treatment and understanding just because of it.

All my life, I tried so hard to veer away from that part of my life that it was a surprise when people started connecting my then drinking habits and choice of staying single (wow like it's bad) to that very thing. Then I realized, I was surrounded by people who kept telling me their failure or fear to grab an opportunity and at the same time inserting their stories of family problems, childhood troubles, awful peer experiences, etc. that had nothing to do with their, for example, backing out of a school organization or a career opportunity.

"I'm depressed, that's why", they always say. As a Psychology major, I respect that, but as a practical human being interacting with a fellow, I find it stupid to keep saying that you are in a certain condition which causes you to not be able to do certain stuff. I know there are really those who have clinically diagnosed depression, but looking at it as such, how come a person who even has cancer manages to turn such a disease into a motivation to keep fighting? Sure, depression is more about the emotions, but do you think that emotional anxiety or issue is bigger than you? As a matter of fact just ask yourself now, is using depression as an excuse or allowing it to let you stay in off days helping you get out there and live life any better?

It takes an open mind, not just in terms of maturity but openness to do something to get better to see my point--that the only reason why you think you're a failure is because you let yourself live in that idea. You cage your potential away from the possibilities of it being turned into a positive energy that could get you out completely of whatever condition it is you think you have. Depression might not go away completely no matter what you do, but when you're doing something, it is defeated and shoved back somewhere you'll never visit anymore. When you do something you think could lead you to satisfaction or happiness, you wear off the weight of sorrow, guilt, fear, etc., and you end up living life instead---chasing after opportunities, making yourself grow, and learning a lot from explorations. Of course despite how some experiences might be unhealthy, they still contribute to character development, but why linger in these encounters when you have the choice to step into healthier and better experiences?

The only person who can fully get you out of slacking off is yourself, so go back to yourself if you feel lost and just find whatever it is you think you need to search in order to get wherever you feel you want to be in. Life is that endless hunt for things we don't even know exactly what, and it is just like that until you find the one or many things that could turn your life into something even greater than the movie endings you hopelessly binge on days you don't feel like seizing to do something great instead. Yes, you also have to stop saying having off days is okay or you might just end up doing only that all the time and not get used to the exhausting hustle of living that unfortunately is just the truth of it all.