My lifelong struggle with depression

in blog •  9 months ago

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From a very young age I have struggled with depression. The cause of it has baffled my family, friends, and even myself for the majority of my life. Although my life hasn't exactly been a cake walk, for the most part I have had a good life and depression should not be a problem... but it is. Depression is a very common problem for todays youth; and even though many studies have been done on the topic, a lot of people are unsympathetic due to a lack of understanding of depression. Depression is a legitimate mental disorder which has various effects on people who have it. For some reason, people seem to think that it is just something people can get over or forget about when in reality that's not always possible. I spent years trying to "get over" my depression without any help and eventually that led to me trying to take my life at the age of 15.
After my attempted suicide I spent two years in behavioral institutions, and countless hours with therapists. During this time it seemed as if I had made some improvements and I was finally released from the institutions and allowed to go back home with my parents. After a few short months though I spiraled back into depression and wound up putting myself in a very bad situation trying to cope with these feelings. I was only just barely 18 when I became a heavy user of various drugs ranging from cocaine to methadone. It didn't take long for things to head south and soon I found myself behind bars facing 40 years in prison for robbery. This was by far the lowest time of my life and I wonder every day how I managed to pull myself through that.
Flash forward a few years and I'm back out on the streets a free man. within a week of being released I was back on drugs and drinking very heavily. Somehow by the grace of god it was at this time that I met my wife. She helped me to recover from my various addictions and to find positive coping mechanisms for my depression. She is actually the one that got me back into writing and other things I enjoy doing. The depression is definitely still there but I have a lot easier time of coping with it now.
Depression is a very real problem and if you know someone that is currently struggling with it, the best thing you can do is be supportive. It is not something they can just get over so do your best (even though it is hard) not to get frustrated with them. Don't push to hard for reasoning behind their depression, because there is not always a reason, sometimes people struggling with depression are sad for no real reason at all. If you have depression then my heart goes out to you... I understand how difficult it can be but you must always persevere. Persevere with the hope that one day it will become more manageable. Persevere with the hope that one day you will feel the happiness you deserve to feel.
Thank you for reading and please comment if you have anything to add, I hope you enjoyed this post. if you would like to see more posts from me in the future please upvote this post and follow my page, Thank you.

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post which is very useful for the readers. hopefully useful also for me and my writing forward.

Since your touching such an important subject, I must ask have you been checked for any hormonal issues? Thyroid, testosterone, lithium deficiency? Any of these could wreak havoc. One a different note, I'm very happy to read you've decided to write, which is very therapeutic and write about such an important, yet personal issue. Kudos to you and your wise and I'm sure very loving wife.

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Thank you for your comment ! The last time i actually went to a doctor for my depression was a few years ago. I dont believe he said anything about me having any hormonal imbalances but then again its been a few years so I cant quite remember.

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Please request these tests to be made. They are extremely important.

Hi, I feel you. Glad you also have a great support system who pulled you through this. I know it's a daily struggle as it may come back anytime. Always remember you have a wonderful life!

I hear ya bud. Been through this up and down for the last few years. I'm almost 40, got a wife, kids, house, cars, money... all of that shit. I realised it's a 'spiritual' thing that I'm missing. I know there's more to life but finding it in a money and possession obsessed world is very difficult. I've embarked on a mission of love and understanding for other people as well as love for myself that I don't get much of from others so I must find it within myself. Stay strong bro and if you ever need anyone to talk to reach out to me on Discord ✌️

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Thank you for your comment and I hope you find whats missing. I have been on a spiritual journey for about a year now. Ive found meditation works wonders in helping me cope with my depression. Thank you for your support and I will definitely talk to you on discord sometime

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Hey Sebastian,
Not to try and sell my own blog but I've wrote a few blogs on meditation and the like that might give a different perspective on things like depression. Can't hurt to take a look...

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I'll definitely give it a look. thank you for your comment !

I read somewhere once that depression is caused from believing one is helpless, or hopeless ...feeling you have no control over your life. I also see that in our civilization, there can be a lot to cause someone to feel this way -- for example, having to labor in drudgery the majority of one's healthy waking life at a job one does not care about except for the pay and benefits, in order to accomplish what has been laid out for one to do by the social construct -- have a job like this, a house like that, clothes like this, children like that, a life like this, a car like that... ....it's like being herded through a cattle chute at a factory farm -- with no time or energy left for oneself -- to think your way out of it. I am autistic, and for me it was overwhelming. The stress wrecked my digestive system, which took my health down. I barely made it out alive. Now I am living off-grid, far far away from civilization, out in nature ....wearing what I want, eating food that's actually healthy, breathing clean air ....and working toward what my psychologist friend calls "healing into authenticity"-- becoming/being myself and working on creating something to give back -- my contribution. I'm not rich, as most who live off-grid are, but I learned that when you set your intent to do something, life opens the way ....like magic ------- something which has been stripped from our sterilized, linear brained, "machine mind" controlled world. For me, I had to get that back -- the magic and mystery -- in order to be happy.

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I have definitely found that the more I try to live up to the status quo the worse my depression is. I guess in the end the more you try to fit in the more you smother out your true self... I really like the idea of living out off the grid and I'm genuinely curious as to how that is going for you. We should definitely talk some time!

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Yes, well said.

It's the perfect life for me. I would never go back to a city, willingly. I plan to blog about being off-grid -- if you want to follow me.