ye..master in self sabotage

its been a bit over lode of everything lately, trying to find out schools etc. dealing whit the fear of not getting in to school then. and the fear of going to school yes sound startling to be afraid of if the fear of not getting in. feel a need to get in to the fall anywhere. just to start doing something different. no the main problem is not fucking up my delay life and get the papires and application out all this things just been so stressed over it. my past in school is terrible. total terrible. so much feelings exciting and terrifying in the same time.

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so theme of the day fucking self sabotage at work. just was on the phone whit a school am missing a paper saying a have dyslexia so figuraout how a can get in there. without the Prof its a special school. so was a bit in freezz after the phone call and stuck on this fuckt up front gear on a bike so my brain turn off. then my boss ask me how much have a done..my answer not much...omg dud wtf are you saying...he got confused and follow up so how many bikes...4
he is thinking its not so bad..and left....but it was not even true a had build 4 bikes, but a fixed 2 more and help a collage with one so wtf....so now the last 10 houres or so am been thinking he is going to fire me.....ye ye...fantastic. a bit later in the day a manage to get out of freeze and a ask a collage how many bikes he had done...answer: noting only 2 bikes (is was raining all day to day) not a lot to do....but still in my mind om getting fire..am so tired over this every time a do this...over and over just around or around ...and when am working there am so afraid to do mistakes so a spend so much time doubt my self to a point its just so destructive...without my doubt a could do dubbed the Number am sure off it.