late night, feeling blue..

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it's late. i should be in bed by now. i've been so effing sleep deprived lately, it's not even funny. but instead, i'm listening to really really depressing songs.
and i'm writing.. pouring my heart out. i swear i'm going to make this swift. i just really wanted to let it all out.

i want to scream at the vast ocean. i don't know why i feel this way.
it's inexplicable. my behavior doesn't even make sense anymore.
you're my addiction. i constantly want you. i constantly need you.
why? i don't even know why. but feelings don't answer the "whys".
that's why emotions are so powerful. because no rational answers derive from them.
they are random, unpredictable, and beautiful.

i've been such an emotional wreck recently.
if i don't seem it, it's because i hide it well.
i can't seem to function properly anymore.
it's on my mind all the time. and it hurts to think that it could only come this far.
i seriously believed that it could have so much more than this.. but i guess i was wrong.
i hated to see how it just stopped. ended.

my only solution now? well, it's pretty obvious.
i just have to completely disengage myself and rehabilitate.
im sorry to say this but it's for my own good.

goodbye, my perfect stranger and hero.
i will miss you.

je ne sais pas porquoi..