RE: My Life's Journey - Where the heck have I been? Part 2 -Lesson 1 - Being "STRONG".
Being strong for everyone probably contributed to my Brother's death almost 2 years ago. I'm still pretty pissed at him for not sharing with anyone (the stages of grief grind slowly with me) but am starting to get some clarity. You see, my mother died out of the whole deal too.
I read Jay's comment and REALLY understand. I lost my only child at birth almost 20 years ago. It was a horrible price, but a watershed time for me. I had to get professional help, went to a therapist that my now dead brother recommended.
Among other things, he dx'd my PTSD in like three sessions. Now I knew why I did some of the goofy things I do. I was able to grow through that because I now had an reason and a therapy. Not to mention that I was able to live with my grief over my daughter. Live with, not bury. There is a difference.
So one of the reasons I'm still pissed at my brother is that I had suggested that he go back to the guy. He'd be alive if he had. What a tragic waste.
Anyway, I now know that I can be strong when needed but the piper has to be paid. I simply must allow myself to be 'weak' as needed. I've cried a river of tears out of this lesson.
O wow, you have been really through a lot, my friend. And, I can partially now understand how you felt because about 3 years ago my uncle passed away and I went to his funeral. And, right before I about returned to Italy for my basketball season we get a phone call his sister has followed him probably from the sorrow. So I lost both of closest uncle and aunt in a span of 4 days. And, honestly, I just did not know how to deal with it.
The thing about your brother is this as it is the same for my father now. We really can not help them unless they let us help them. No matter how hard we push. And, I pushed my father to change every single day. But, until he let me in, nothing was moving, and I was getting incredibly frustrated by it. So my friend, forgive yourself and let go of everything, or it will eat you inside like it started eating me alive really. And, not only that it has a lead on the path of bad decisions which I am paying now.
You can help yourself the most as I realized in these really past 4 weeks. And, it has been now 6-7 months after the thing with my father. No matter what it is, do NOT keep inside. You know what is bothering you. Instead of ignoring what is inside you, face it instead. I mean truly deep imagine in your head those moments which you stored deep down and just let it out. Cry your eyes out, shout, yell, scream, talk to people about it, it does not matter what. But what matters you let it OUT of you.
Thank you for sharing with me @bigtom13. I think the biggest lesson we all have to learn, is yes we can help ourselves the most, but that we do not have to do it ALONE. :)
Have an amazing day. :)