BioWare Monday: Default BW Male

Spoiler Warning: This series of weekly posts will delve into various BioWare games, and will spoil the hell out of them. Proceed with caution.

In each BioWare game, there's this guy. He's a romance option, often the main romance option. He's a good dude. He's got a troubled past, and yet, he is still incredibly milquetoast. He is boring and and whiny and he's my least favorite of their tropes. He is Default BioWare Male, and I hate talking to him.

The Pilot

Essence of Carth
In KOTOR, he was Carth Onasi, ace pilot, top sharp shooter, whiny McWhinerson. Look, I get it. His mentor betrayed him, his home planet is bombed to hell, his wife was killed, and his son turns out to be a student at Sith Academy. But why is he constantly taking it out on me, with this combination of whining and anger? He's supposed to be this badass, and yet he spends the first half of the game complaining constantly.

---

The Avenging Father

Don't judge me, Sky!
In Jade Empire, he was Sky, and kinda also Sagacious Zu. But especially Sky. He's supposed to be this Asian Inigo Montoya type, on a quest for revenge for the death of his daughter (his wife died in childbirth). And yet he's the most boring dashing rogue evah. He was supposed to be a rogue. Instead he's a dud.

---

The Lieutenant

This is Kaiden dumping Shepard for trying to save the galaxy
In Mass Effect, he was Kaiden Alenko, the most DBM dude to ever be a DBM. He's the most squeaky clean dude ever, but he's also killed an instructor, an act that was absolutely self defense, but for which he feels great angst. He's an annoying adult, but he was probably The Worst as a teen. Kaiden hits on a female Shepard (aka, the only Shepard there is) and takes it badly when rejected in favor of Liara. If they do become a couple, and he survives Virmire (which, for me, he often did, because it was either "annoying dude" or "racist lady") he dumps Shepard in Mass Effect 2, and then slut shames her for hooking up with someone else AFTER BEING DUMPED BY HIM. Also, if he makes it through Mass Effect 3, he goes through a whole entire thing of not trusting Shepard because of the time she worked with the assholes who resurrected her SAVE THE GALAXY. Kaiden Alenko is The Worst.

---

The King

King Doofus
In Dragon Age: Origins, he was Alistair. Former Templar, possible heir to the throne, the illegitimate son of a now dead king and the illegitimate brother of a (much) more recently dead king. Alistair is partially redeemed by being funny. And he's also, of all the DBMs, by far the most important to the narrative of the game. With Alistair, there also the option of "hardening him," the utterly counter intuitive thing where you tell him to be more selfish, which somehow results in him being a better king later.

---

The Commando

I almost fell asleep while uploading this picture
In Mass Effect 2, the DBM is Jacob Taylor, the most boring elite commando in the galaxy. I really don't have anything else to add about Jacob. He's SO BORING.

---

The Prince

Too minor to mention
Dragon Age 2 doesn't have a real DBM! Fenris, Anders (fuck you, Anders), and Sebastian all of elements of the DBM, but none is the full thing. Fenris isn't boring. Anders is a whole different problem. And Sebastian is too minor to even register. I'll guess I'll say it's Sebastian. Prince Boring it is!

---

The Spectre

THE WOOOORST
In Mass Effect 3, as outlined above, Kaiden returns to be THE WORST.

---

The Sorta Warden

Urforgettable
In Dragon Age: Inquisition, Blackwall the faux Warden takes on the mantle of DBM. But, really, does anyone ever take Blackwall anywhere unless it's specifically for his approval quest? Cassandra is RIGHT there, and is a much better character and equal quality tank.

---

The Ex Cop

Liam wants to be cool. He is not
Don't think Mass Effect: Andromeda, the wrongly maligned Mass Effect sorta-sequel, is without its own DBM. His name is Liam Costa, and he's kind of an idiot.

When you have a bunch of characters in every game, it makes sense that one would be a dud. And this is highly subjective. I have a friend who likes ALL of these dudes, and considers them her favored romance options. To each their own, I guess. These games all have fun, quirky, weird, exciting, awesome characters. But there's always also a boring human dude.

Previous BW Monday:
BioWare Monday: Intro and Ranking The Games
BioWare Monday: Traitors In The Party