Master 6, his way or no way! His world alone!

Autism can be a very lonely disorder. The person is often trapped in their own world, unable to communicate their wants and needs. Unable to support themselves and often even if they can communicate, the feelings expressed are not exactly what they meant.

This makes raising children with autism a huge challenge. Not just with meeting their day to day needs, but emotionally. Knowing that your child needs something but they are unable to tell you and you are unable to guess is the most heart wrenching feeling. Not being able to engage with them in their own world is crushing.

I once spent 4 hours with Master 6 trying to understand what he was saying. He did not speak until he was 3 and a half and then he needed a lot of speech therapy for us to understand what he was saying, even now there are days when I don't understand and he has to show me or write it down. On this particular occasion he couldn't say the world properly and he didn't know how to write it.

The end result was me in tears trying to understand what he was saying and Master 6 stuck in a loop just repeating the same word over and over. Eventually his older sister just started saying random words and eventually she guessed. He wanted a burger. He was hungry. 4 hours it took me to discover that my child needed food. Ofcourse we had offered him food in that time, but it was not what he wanted, he wanted a burger, anyone who knows a child with Autism knows that they can be extremely rigid. They want what they want and nothing else will do.

Luckily Master 6 has come along way. The communication between us is much better. Only on the days when he chooses to remain silent (selective mutism) do we encounter any problems. Also I have become much better at reading his body language and mood and that has made an enormous difference.

The biggest challenge with Master 6 is that he is very happy in his own world. He does not realise their is a whole world around him and is content to go about his day in his own little bubble. He is unaffected by people staring or talking about him. He just doesn't see them. He is not outgoing, he is shy and quiet and does not make many friends. We have tried in the past to pull him from his own world but have not had much success.

I often struggle with my own emotions when it comes to his emotional wellbeing. I stress that he is not happy, that he feels sad or left out. I wonder on a daily basis what's is going on in his little head. He does not share much with us, we have to dig for information and even then sometimes his walls are up and you get nothing.

A recent programme organised by the special needs department at school has changed that in the past few weeks. They have been running a soccer programme for all the children with individual needs who wanted to participate and would you believe my Master 6 asked to join in.

He has never asked to participate in anything before. We have suggested several after school activities, including soccer and he was never interested. He played one game of cricket with his older brother and sister and spent the whole time on the field staring at the stars. I'm not even sure he realised he was part of the game.

But this he wanted to do. I'm pretty sure it is because they dont actually play a game. They spend the whole session teaching ball skills. It is all independent. I think he is doing so well because of that. He follows what the coach is doing and gets to participate in every move.

This means he does not have to interact directly with his classmates but they are there. He feels like he is part of the group but there is no stress. If he loses his ball he can just go get it. If he can't do something he doesn't have to. There are no rules or field markers that he is not allowed to cross. It makes the whole session a calming, fun and active experience.

I also love the fact that soccer is fantastic for gross motor skill development. His participation in these weekly games has added a therapy session to his schedule and he thinks he is just having fun.

It allows Master 6 to stay in his bubble while still being part of the group. I went along today to see how he was progressing. This is the first time I have ever seen him enjoy playing sport. He even refers to the others as his team. It has also become a topic of conversation that he will actually discuss. Listening to him tell me how funny it was when he fell over his own ball or that he kicked 3 goals just blows my mind. He usually never shares anything from his day at school, I just get a thumbs up if he had a good day or silence if he didn't.

The school is hoping to run the programme again next year and our local soccer club is getting on board and offering to let all the special needs children from his school participate as members of their club. They will not have to play any matches if they don't want, they can just come to the training sessions. They are also going to place them in teams that are matched to their ability rather than their age. So Master 6 will be able to feel as though he is one of the team rather then the kid who can't keep up and doesn't know what's going on.

Having a programme like this for children with different needs is marvellous. We have to learn how to live in their world as they cannot live in ours. We have to find a way in. A back door that allows us access to everything they have to offer and they have so much to offer.

Programmes like these are becoming available in more and more places. Look around your local area and speak to your schools and local council. Finding something they enjoy and something they can do in their own unique way is half the battle.

Thanks for reading.

@mumofmany