Artwork of the Day - One (And Notes on Surviving Attachment Disorder)

I'd like to share another of my abstract artworks with you. I named this piece 'One' in recognition of the fact that Life really IS all One Thing. That One Thing expresses itself in myriad, countless individuated forms which believe themselves to be utterly discrete, and yet which remain indelibly interconnected…

'One', by Jay Taylor. Mixed media (acrylics, acrylic inks and gel pens) artwork on 5 x 7" Strathmore Mixed Media paper.

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Now, although Life really IS All One Thing, our individual experience of BEING ONE - of feeling separated from the whole from which we are cast out at inception - can be incredibly hard to bear, particularly in the Western world with all its tools of alienation…

As an infant, we are not fully individuated. We arrive primed to be part of a loving, supportive collective, with our parents, and in particular our mother, at the forefront of that expectation. Some speculate that a human baby does not yet experience herself as fully distinct from her mother, who is as familiar to her as her own physical being, and supposed to be an attentive and constant source of guidance, comfort and safety.

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"One voice can be stronger than a thousand voices. Your mind is independent now, with its own unique identity." I recall Star Trek: Voyager's Captain Janeway telling newly-liberated Borg, Seven of Nine. "You are forcing that identity upon me. It is not mine!" Seven retorted in agony. "Oh, yes it is. I'm just giving you back what was stolen from you. The existence you were denied - the child who never had a chance. That life is yours to live now. It's what you are. Don't resist it..."

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This scene (from an Episode called 'The Gift') resonated with me so strongly that I wept throughout it. I was almost unbearable for me to watch. I know now that this is because it portrays a part of how it feels to be an adult grown from a child who was not bonded to her human collective, an experience which is deeply resonant with my own. Like so many things, it was a 'trigger', bringing back awful memories of being disconnected and separated from the rest of humanity, a humanity (adults in particular) which I came to reject and - for many years - secretly or otherwise - despise.

You see, as a child, I was subjected to behaviour which communicated the message that my specific individuality was undesirable, unworthy, somehow just plain WRONG; that, in fact, there was something fundamentally wrong WITH me. I was thrust out of the human collective repeatedly by the societally-induced feeling (delivered primarily by my abusive mother) that I did not belong to it.

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I have consequently faced (and frequently failed) enormous challenges throughout my life due to what child psychologists refer to as an 'Attachment Disorder', a realisation/diagnosis I have only just arrived at some 50 years after the abuse began.

The alienation I experienced as a little child was only bearable due to the intervention of 'unseen' forces guiding me, connecting with me and validating me; and to Nature, who unfailingly wrapped me in her nurturing arms and sent me little leafy, furred or feathered guardian angels to make sure I never felt totally alone in my individual 'one-ness'. EVERYTHING in nature spoke to me when I was a child. In truth, it still does.

I can tell you unequivocally that the feeling of being One With All That Is was what saved my life, over and over again.

I consider myself lucky beyond measure that, to this day, I carry this awareness in every cell in my body - I Am One, yes, but I am also One with All and Everything. And so are you. No matter how alienating human behaviour may be, you are NOT alone. If you doubt it, enter the silence of your beautiful mind and ask for guidance to help you. Or step out into nature alone, for nature will NEVER allow you to remain alone for long. She and her creations will unfailingly soothe and befriend you if you only give them the chance...

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Here are some more images of 'One':

'One' whilst a WIP with others on my studio desk

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If you have resonated with this post, please feel free to reach out to me. As an independent creative and unschooling Mama, sharing aspects of my life and work makes me feel more connected to other free thinkers, 'outsiders' and creative people in the World. My art, my creative endeavours and my life in general are my expression of the connectedness I feel to Life Itself. I am deeply committed to being an open and faithful channel for whatever message Life entrusts me with bringing into the World of Mankind. Your support, kind-ness, and appreciation of my always-original content are most welcome!

With love,

Jay x

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If you’ve fallen in love with this painting, you may be interested to know that it is available
for sale in my store on Etsy and is
also available on 50+ print products including clothing, art prints, device cases, stationery and homewares by clicking here.