BEASTLY TALES

OTTO GOES TO THE DENTIST

Now, I’ve never met anyone who enjoys,
Going to the dentist. Not girls, not boys.
Otto Clipzinger was no exception,
He wasn’t big on self-deception.
When he chewed, he chewed a lot.
But he didn’t like pain, no he did not.
So on one fine sunny day,
While he was contentedly chewing away,
He suddenly felt a sharp electric jolt,
And he gasped and moaned like a dolt.
He said to himself, “I’m not at all happy,”
“Going to the dentist is intensely crappy.”
“It is not only the pain of his drills,”
“But having to pay enormous bills.”

So off Otto goes, to a dentist in town,
His face most unhappy, yes, a sour frown.
He sat right down in the waiting room,
His thoughts conjuring up a harbinger of doom.
A series of whines, groans and grunts,
Emanated from within, must be the stunts,
Of the Dentist Dr. I. Pullem, on the job,
Drilling the teeth of patient Thing-a-me-bob.
Now Otto was on the point of leaving,
When he saw the thing-a-me-bob patient weaving,
As his stumbled out of the surgery door
Too much Novocaine made him feel poor.
“Ha! Caught you,” the dentist did shriek,
To Otto, standing there stunned and meek,
“You can’t get away from me just yet!”
“I won’t let you get out of my net.”
“Come right in to the consulting room,”
“My patients call it, “The temple of Doom.”

He led Otto to the victims chair,
Pulling him by his sleeve to get there.
“We’ll sit you down with goggles and bib.”
“To study carefully your oral “cut-of-the-jib.”
The dentist took several sharp instruments to prod,
And a rubber bulbed air blower, the sod!
It seemed he was levering out Otto’s fillings
(And he hadn’t even started the drillings)
Whilst blowing spurts of Arctic air,
On nerve endings he didn’t know were there.

Otto resigned himself to prolonged discomfort and pain.
He thought, “I desperately need Novocaine.”
“Something to dull these toothy nerves,”
“So aggravated by this idiot’s swerves.”
“Open wider,” said the cause of his pain.
“I don’t want to shove a sharp instrument into your brain,”
“I’ve just about finished this part,”
“A few more puffs of cold air will smart.”
“Then we can commence something thrilling,”
“I’m referring, of course, to high speed drilling.”

The dentist seemed surprised that Otto only grunted,
As these truisms, to him, were confronted.
Otto couldn’t manage more than a syllable,
His jaws wedged open, cramped lungs not fillable.
The dentist dusted down his drills,
Preparing to give Otto high speed thrills.
“Now sit right back, and relax, while I do this chore,”
“I think I only saw one cavity, maybe more,”
“We’ll have them filled in a trice,”
“I always think mercury amalgam to look so nice.”
“And since it is choc-a-block with mercury,”
“I absolutely, positively do not see,”
“How it could not be good for you and me.”
Otto’s fingers clenched around the arm rest.
He didn’t know if he would pass this test,
He’d never liked any pain at all,
Particularly when associated with a dental call.

The dentist made him gargle and rinse,
The cold mixture made his nerve ends wince!
“Make an appointment for next week, on the way out,”
“I need to see you again, without any doubt.”
Otto made a bee-line for the front door,
He’d never, ever come back here anymore!