BEASTLY TALES

OTTO BABYSITS

Otto had earned many quids,
Babysitting the Katzenjammer kids.
Yes, the Katzenjammer family lived down the road,
From Otto, that in-your-face toad.
Said Wolfgang Katzenjammer, “To the club we go,”
“Will you babysit our kids. As you know,”
“They can be quite a handful, fancy free,”
“But for you, they seem to act obediently.”
Otto agreed, for the usual fees,
“Please make sure there is bread and cheese,”
He’d have to get his own beer in.
The Katzenjammer family thought it a sin,
To babysit and drink at the same time.
Yes, they thought it would be a crime.

But Otto was having none of that,
He needed anaesthetic to cope with a brat.
And it wasn’t just one brat, they had four!
Without fortification he wouldn’t walk in the door.
Otto would have taken them to the German Club,
But word would get back, what a snub.
And so he’d have to be content with the Idiot Box,
Whilst raiding the Katzenjammer pantry for food stocks.
He had taken his own beer, of course,
And, as usual, he was as hungry as a horse.
As a really special treat,
He also took some Aquavit.
This potent, fiery brew,
Would warm him up, make him new.

The Katzenjammer kids did watch,
Cartoons on their own Idiot Box.
Otto certainly was not a Quaker,
So he called a sly book-maker.
He desired to place a bet,
On a horse, he hadn’t run yet.
During all this activity,
Otto did fail to see,
All the Katzenjammer kids bolt,
Out the front door, what a jolt!
When he saw that they had gone,
Otto panicked. Went off his scone!
He was out the door, looked left and right,
And all he saw was the dark night.
He ran up and down the street,
Until Herr and Frau Katzenjammer he did meet.
“What, pray tell, are you doing?”
“Who, indeed, are you pursuing?”
Thus enquired the Katzenjammer father,
Otto stumbled in his answer, rather,
“Your delinquent kids have done a runner,”
“I know not where, oh, what a stunner.”
He followed the parents back to the house,
Feeling quite dejected. What a grouse!
Inside the house was quite a mess,
He’d not had time, he must confess,
To tidy up after his drinks and eats.
And he had not finished his dessert treats.
Katzenjammer scolded Otto,
“Looks like you were getting blotto,”
“We won’t require your services again,”
“It seems as though you have no brain!”

The children! Forgotten they weren’t there,
Mrs Katzenjammer now came down the stair,
“Our dear children are all tucked in bed,”
“I gave each little angel a kiss on the head.”