BEASTLY TALES

A FLAMING SHAME

A Jack-of-all-Trades, a fixit man,
Ebenezer Scrotum drove a yellow van,
He did repairs for his great aunt Hyacinth,
And polished the statue, from top to plinth.
The statue was of Great Grandpappy McGuirre,
Who was famous for setting his house on fire!
He did this when he left his cigar,
Smouldering in an ashtray, too small by far.
The cigar was lop-sided and top heavy,
It rolled to the floor as McGuirre made his bevy,
His tipple was a raspberry, gin fizz.
Frothing up violently, a chemical tizz.
The cigar did smoulder on the Oriental carpet,
But McGuirre hadn’t finished at his bar yet.
He started to sniff, when he smelled the burnt wool.
He was usually on the ball, not much of a fool.
McGuirre looked around for something to extinguish the blaze,
Grabbing a decanter of brandy, in the smokey haze.
He tossed the contents, over the fire,
The flames roared up, he had to retire.

Ebenezer Scrotum came by, driving his van,
Seeing the smoke inside he then ran.
Carrying a blanket, he damped out the flames,
Great Grandpappy McGuirre shrugged off the shames,
Those shames resulting from his smoking and drinking,
Such a great waste, what was he thinking?