I understand you , I've lived with being Bipolar my entire life and it's never any easier. Even today I'm so down that my body hurts physically. Prayer and faith 🙏 💯 help but it doesn't remove the burden but makes it barrable. We are always growing and making our way through life no matter what. It's makes us stronger and wiser. Keep moving forward as it's the best we can do sometimes. Be well bro.