Ladies, You Can Aspire To Be Other Things Other Than Wives
Being a girl in a hugely patriarchal society comes with a lot of downsides. But being an African lady is even more onerous. However, the peak of all pressure known to mankind comes for African ladies who are in their mid-twenties and late-twenties.
To average African parents, marriage is the ultimate achievement. No matter how much you have achieved as a girl, until you are married, you are not there yet. The nightmare of an average African parent is to see his daughter grow old in his house and not get married in time.
Because they groom you to be a wife from the day of your birth. And then like a banana, when you are old enough you become ripen in their eyes, and they want you to be harvested, to be bought off.
From the day of your birth as a girl, almost everything they teach you to do is a sub-preparation for marriage, to be a good wife. They make it obligatory for you to know how to cook, clean, greet elders, dress, talk, act in such a manner that you might attract a good husband and be a good wife to him.
And then when you get to your mid 20s and you’re not married they start getting paranoid, like you are heading for doom. They start reminding you of Amaka that is your age mate that has gotten married. No matter how successful you are, they celebrate you on one hand and then go ahead to soil the celebration with a reminder that settling down is the chief of all achievements.
This doesn’t even hurt enough. What hurts me most is that the women have been so indoctrinated into this norm that they grow up now to believe so. Every woman in her mid twenties now feels “ripe” to marry. You date a girl that hasn’t achieved anything yet and all she has is a non functional Bsc certificate in her box…. No job, nothing, and then she starts asking you-
“where is our relationship going?”
“When are you coming to see my parents?”
“Do you plan settling down with me?”
And then, when you, as a guy, isn’t ready yet to marry because you have goals to hit, they assume you don’t love them enough and off they go! Most times they break up a two year old relationship and 6 months later you hear they are getting married. Because marriage is her major achievement and with you, it’s not happening soon.
Even in Churches, the “disease” of being single is taken more seriously by the ladies than it is on the men. All the “miracle marriages” testimonies are given by women, even though their husbands had to wait longer to get married to them. The pressure pit on ladies to get married makes them the most desperate seekers of these “miracle marriages”.
As long as parents rush to give their children out in marriage for the fear of her remaining a spinster for too long, and women prioritise marriage over self improvement, the men (who always prefer to be on their feet before thinking about marriage) will continue to ride these women in the home. And if you can’t be of equal importance with your husband in your home, you can’t be equal to other men in the society.
Do not bring up your female children to be wives, bring them up to be humans, self sufficient and proud.