Almost Utopia , What It's Like When Both Parents Get Leave Together

Going through my second pregnancy with an early june due date meant that i was used to hearing comments like good thing you won't have to be pregnant all summer or hope you have air conditioning but rarely did anyone pick up on one of the reasons i was most psyched for my babys summer arrival, it meant that my spouse an assistant professor at a state university would be on summer break and then have family leave come fall. we'd hit the holy grail of postpartum life both parents at home together for months with our newborn and our 3 year old.

For many moms the first weeks at home with a new baby can be stressful and terrifying exhausting and lonely. i try to be careful when i bring up our arrangement because it can be like rubbing salt in someone's episiotomy wound. only 60% of americans can access FMLA for parental leave and paid leave is only available to 13%. i know how rare it is for a family to be able to have both parents at home together. as a freelancer i am in the no paid leave camp . instead i scaled back my writing when my daughter arrived and have been slowly easing back in as time allows . thats one of a few intentional choices that brought us here in combination with sheer dumb luck and a progressive family leave policy from my husbands employer.

Another choice was that we live in a college town in eastern washington with a cost of living forgiving enough that we can get by on my husbands salary while i build my currently inconsistent and not so lucrative career from home . various drafts of this essay for example were written with my newborn sleeping on my lap or breastfeeding while i typed one handed our older child is not such a passive participant though and it can be hard to regain focus after pausing to clean peanut butter and jelly off the face of a tiny person who won't stop dancing.

I have long given up on any semblance of work and life balance its more like a swirl of the two together constantly which i do not recommend for anyone whose work would not recover from a toddler bashing nonsense on a keyboard or who can not sleep if there are dishes in the sink .it definitely would not do for someone who needs peace and quiet in order to function . while this arrangement works for my family it may not forever nor for anyone else.