Daily Jokes from SydesJokes for 6 Oct 2017

sydesjokes (64)in #jokes • 7 years ago

Joke 1

The subtle art of not giving a f*ck

SydesJokes Daily Digest

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/66

Joke 2

Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

Joke 3

A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?"

He says, "Why? Are my eyes bulging?"

Joke 4

Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: It needed a root canal.

Joke 5

A brunette and her blonde sister had just inherited a ranch. Deciding that they needed to buy a bull, the brunette told her sister that she would go into town, find a bull she liked, and if she bought it, send a telegram back telling her sister to come pick up the bull. The blonde agreed, so the brunette took $600 and went to town. There, she found a bull she just loved and bought it for $599.

When she walked into the post office, the postman told her that a telegram was a dollar per word. "But I only have one dollar!" she exclaimed.

Then you only get one word, he calmly replied.

After thinking long and hard, she finally decided on her word: "Comfortable."

Are you sure that's the word you want? asked the postman, puzzled.

Yep. You don't know my sister. She's a blonde; she'll read it really slowly and say COME-FOR-DA-BULL.

Joke 6

A pirate walks off his ship. He has a wooden leg, a hook instead of a hand, and a patch over his right eye. He sits down on a bench, and begins throwing peanuts to the seagulls.

Two curious young children shyly sit down next to him and ask the pirate how he came to have a wooden leg.

The pirate replies, "Well, I was standing on the deck of me ship one day, and a wave washed me overboard. Then a shark came along and bit me leg off!"

The little boy then asked, "How did you lose your hand?"

"Many years ago, I was fighting the Navy, and one of them scalawags cuts me hand off. Their doc couldn't find a hand, so they puts this hook on," answered the pirate.

Next, the little girl asked, "How did you lose your eye?"

"Well," says the pirate, "I was standing watch up in the crow's nest, and just as I looked up, a lousy seagull flew over and did his business right in me eye!"

The children, thoroughly confused, exclaim "How did THAT cause you to lose your eye?"

The pirate replies, "Well, it was me first day with the hook."

Joke 7

Little Johnny drew a fly on the class grade book. It looked so realistic, that when Miss Baker saw the fly sitting on the notebook, she slammed it with a ruler. The fly didn't fly away. So she slammed the book once again, again the fly didn't fly away.

This drove Miss Baker really mad, so she started to pound the book with the ruler and, as a result, the grade book became a bunch of torn sheets of paper. With the class laughing, she realized what had happened. Then Miss Baker called Little Johnny's father to school.

"You see what your son did to our class grade book?" she said.

"That's nothing." replied the father. "Last month, he drew a naked woman on a fence and for two weeks straight I was pulling splinters out of my dick."

Joke 8

Q: What is always hot in the refrigerator?
A: Chili

Learn from mistakes

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