A letter to my neighbour

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                                Enough With Your Tall Hedge Trimmer and Untidy Hedge Trimmer
                            
        Dear Mavis,

I have always felt happy living near to you. You are the most naughty neighbour a person could ever meet.

Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.

I'm afraid I can no longer stand your untidy hedge.

I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your hedge trimmer is too tall and your hedge trimmer way too untidy. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a can opener

I have to insist that you take action to stop your untidy hedge from upsetting me. I demand that you varnish the fence then paint the fence.

And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your loud music increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a happy neighbourhood like Little Oakley.

If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the council and post photos of your untidy hedge on Tumblr.

Furthermore, I have close ties with the mob and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.

Thanks
satochi