Para que se rian

The whole family in Venezuela was surprised when a coffin with the body of a beloved aunt arrived from Miami. The body was all tight in the drawer with the face pressed against the glass of the lid.
Upon opening the drawer, the family found a letter attached to the clothes with a needle that read:
Dear Dad and Mom:
I am sending the body of Aunt Jimena, to make the funeral in Venezuela, as she wanted; I apologize for not being able to accompany her but the expenses were many, with all the things that taking advantage of the circumstances I am sending them.
Below the aunt, at the bottom of the coffin, you will find:
12 cans of tuna
12 bottles of conditioner
12 Pantene anti-dandruff shampoo
12 vials of Vaseline Intensive care (good for the skin, NOT for cooking)
12 tubes of Colgate toothpaste
12 toothbrushes
12 cans of Spanish beans (Spanish, of the best)
4 cans of chorizos (really)
Divide with the family, (NO FIGHTERS !!!!!!)
At Aunt Jimena's feet are:
1 pair of Reebok tennis shoes, size 9, are for Juan (because with uncle Esteban's body we sent him nothing and he was angry).
In his head there are:
4 pairs of new socks for Antonio's children, they are different colors; again please (NO FIGHTERS)
Aunt Jimena is dressed with:
12 Ralph Lauren sweatshirts, one for Robertito and the others for your children and grandchildren.
She also carries:
12 Wonder Bra bras, divide among the women, just like the 20 Cover Girl nail polish bottles that are in the corners of the coffin.
Aunt also wears:
9 Dockers and 3 Levis pants. Daddy: stay with 3 and give the others to my brothers. The Seiko watch Dad asked me, he's wearing it on his left wrist; She also uses the earrings, bracelets and rings that Mom wanted and she asked me.
The chain on my neck is for my cousin Carlota; the 8 pairs of Channel stockings are for sharing with my friends and neighbors, or if you want they can sell them, (PLEASE, do not sell them cheap, they are expensive).
The denture that we put is for the Grandmother who years ago is toothless and can not chew.
The bifocal lenses are for Alfredito, because they are of the same degree that he uses; it is also for him the baseball team cap of the Orioles that he is wearing.
The devices for deafness that the aunt uses are for Aunt Carola; They are not exactly what you need, because they are second-hand, the new ones are expensive.
Auntie's eyes are not really, they are contact lenses, qutenselos since they are Marcela, it was due from his party of fifteen years.
On the toes, go the gold rings for the wedding of Josefina, so that this super beautiful that day.
I hope no one complains this time.
With lots of love,
Maria Dolores.
PD: Please get old clothes to dress the aunt and send a mass for the rest of your soul.
As you can see the box is very good wood, do not grab termites, undo it and make the legs of mom's bed and buy a box of cheap, because the aunt liked the simple things.
Take out the glass from the coffin and fix the picture of the grandmother who has been broken for years.
With the drawer lining, which is white satin of 20 dollars a yard, Josefina can make her wedding dress.
I say goodbye telling you that with the death of Aunt Jimena, Aunt White was very sad and sick; I think I'll be sending you more things soon. Bye.