Motivate Your Kids

It is true that rewards will motivate people to do activities," says Edward Deci, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of Rochester. "But what happens is the behavior becomes dependent on the rewards and will stop when the rewards stop. Adults go to work to get paid, but if the pay stopped, they would stop going to work."

This is true even if an activity is pleasurable. Researchers at Stanford University found that when children who enjoyed drawing with markers were paid to do so, they quit using them when they were no longer paid. In other words, the reward somehow extinguished their passion.

While using bribes in the short term isn't harmful for things like getting your child to stop having a tantrum on an airplane, external rewards won't build your child's character or impart the value of keeping his room organized or getting to sleep at a decent hour. What does? Encouraging him to follow the lead of what makes him feel good inside -- such as satisfaction in a newly learned skill or a job well done. He's not only more successful in the long term, he's also happy along the way, and inspired. "When a child learns to ride a bike, he's usually so thrilled with his new skill and eager to do it, it can be hard to persuade him to stop," says Dr. Kennedy-Moore. "That feeling of mastery is tremendously motivating."