The End Of My Struggle in Kampu, From Stress To Depression

I was moved to make this article when yesterday a sister at Paramadina said jealous to see me in graduation and must be satisfied with the situation now. He confessed dizzy and was no longer able to continue working on thesis. I who feel furious immediately mencecarnya with sentences that are quite spicy. He's three years ahead of college than me, but his passion is easy to fall and feels pessimistic about succeeding with his efforts. He said he was not as smart and as good as our new graduation yesterday, and he chose the wrong department. What? He already live thesis doang new way of choosing the wrong direction? Where did yesterday go?

He said, dizzy, wrong all the more, so he was confused what to do. In addition, she is now married and is expecting the birth of her first child, and that is one of the reasons she gave up, because her pregnant state made it impossible to do her final assignment. But I did not give up advising him, I modeled our class sister who was registered as a force of 2002 and just worked on this year's thesis and successfully graduated. Over time, when pessimistic attitude can not be tolerated anymore. I say the last sentence.

"Do not be a bad example for siblings, ntar sibling's age can only get the story if her mother failed to become a scholar just because her mother gave up and did not want to try harder. Poor little boy. "

After I said those words, he began to affirm my words. Sorry, not that I'm ambitious for him to say yes to me. I just feel exasperated and quite annoyed with his self-deprecating person, always looking at other people more everything than him. He always feels ugly and does not mix with anyone. In fact, he is not bad ugly, the proof of some men have tried to fight him. And he has got a soul mate even though his lecture has not finished yet. While I feel that this girlfriend just do not have and my soul mate is not plasticity stem nose. (Ignore this section!)

Back about the thesis, if only he would open his eyes, the problems that create stress in working on the thesis is not he who experienced. I am sure one hundred percent, all students who are working on thesis has a myriad of problems that could be making them depressed, even some time ago there is news that a student who is stressed because of the thesis committed suicide because it is not strong facing pressure in doing thesis.

This also applies to those who work on the thesis, my own teacher says that he has a friend who always gets sick when he starts working on his thesis, but when he is not doing his thesis he is in good health.

So actually the problem of this thesis is really a classic problem experienced by all students who are in the final level. Various ways they overcome the psychological pressure of this thesis, some instead of working on thesis instead write a novel to channel turmoil because of the thesis (One of the novels Negeri 5 Bahlul made when the author is upset working on thesis). And all sorts of others.

I myself am not free from those problems. The pressures in working on the thesis really heavy I feel, although strangely did not make my body become thin (okay, ignore!).

Although in fact I have been thinking about the title and theme of the thesis that I took at the beginning of the third semester, namely in the odd semester of 2011. I was then infatuated with the book Revolution Jilbab containing the true story of Muslim women's struggle wear veil in the 80s moved to take the theme of the hijab. Especially seeing the hijab phenomenon in Indonesia is so booming today compared to the 90's.

Later when our majors were invited to join a book bazaar, I found a book published by Lkis publishers with the title Pshycology of Fashion: The Phenomenon of Women Unleashing the Hijab. It turns out that the book is a final project of Psychology students who then booked. So, the more determined I am to choose the theme of the hijab. Then pursue a study especially about the veil in Paramadina. Where Paramadina University is often regarded as a liberal campus affiliated with JIL, but in fact many Paramadina students are actually moved to veil after college in Paramadina. In addition, there are also female students who decide to remove the hijab.

The next stage is no less difficult is to collect references, whenever there is a bookfair I always hunting books about hijab. However, there is rarely a book on the hijab that discusses it in terms of scientific studies. Most of the hijab books in circulation contain inspirational stories wearing the hijab, hijabs, and more are tutorials on hijab. Really, the hijab is now a fashion phenomenon that hits really among Indonesian Muslim women so that tutorial books like that many scattered. I, who was still wearing horse spectacles, had not been able to see the gaps from the veil cases that I had encountered in real life and from the books I read ended up in a dead end. Especially when my proposal was rejected. Duh sad.

Tribulation is not over yet. The next story is a technical problem that really hampers. The beginning of the seventh semester, ie in mid-2013, when I began to take thesis course, suddenly my laptop keyboard damaged and must be replaced. Just changed the keyboard, an accident, the body of the laptop accidentally trampled by me while playing truth or dare with friends in the dorm. It causes the hard drive inside is badly damaged and must be replaced. Be one semester that I can not do anything. Can only focus on spending some of the remaining courses, relying on a lending laptop from a friend to do the task.

The seventh semester passed quickly, and I had to extend my thesis in the eighth semester. I have to throw my face to ask for extra money to the parents for the cost of extension thesis, actually I feel bad, because since college I no longer ask them, is already supported by the same scholarship. But this time it's really forced, otherwise I will not be able to extend my script. My scholarship only finance the thesis once, the extension must pay for itself.

Short story in semester eight keyboard and hardisk have been replaced, but I even apprenticed so volunteers at PWAG and TII. Be I am busy with the new job, knowing the first time to work after years of being a student ngelamar work here and there can not dapet as well. Finally three months in early 2014 I did not focus on doing thesis. Especially after my proposal was rejected by the lecturer. I think I'm deadlocked, the themes and ideas I've prepared since the third semester mean nothing to the lecturers. I feel like to move the bow of the theme.

Then the inspiration came when I attended Election Film Week organized by Perludem and rumahpemilu.org in order to welcome the democracy party held at Cinema Cinema Taman Ismail Marzuki. There I watched a very enlightening film. Entitled Iron Jawed Angels is lifted from a true story, tells the story of Alice Paul who fought for women's suffrage in parliament in the 1920s in the United States. It intrigued me about the role of marginalized women on the political stage. That very moment I was inspired to take the theme of feminist. The idea came out of nowhere. Okay I will start to make a proposal with a big theme about feminism and and a special theme about women's leadership. Especially after I unpack my collection of books in the boxes under the dorm bed which was a lot of books about women. Basic I have a great interest in the field of women empowerment. Because as a woman I myself experience gender injustice caused by patriarchal culture. Okay, the idea got, proposal was made.

The road is still not easy, my proposal is rejected again. Must be fixed, because according to the lecturer background does not match the formulation of the problem that I made. Back I'm upset. Especially when it was approaching graduation seconds of friends who passed the class in the eighth semester. I'm getting depressed, useless and hopeless to my thoughts. They can pass on time while I'm chapter one just yet. Proposal is denied. Coinciding with the legislative elections I went home, and I deliberately chose a date back to jakarta past the date of my graduating friends who graduated in the eighth semester. I can not bear to see them in the graduation while I have not started any chapters of my thesis.

The pressure I felt was not just an envy with friends who graduated fast, but also a heavy financial burden. Because my scholarship will be terminated in May 2014 and if the eighth semester of my script is not completed then it must pay the tuition fee of 3.5 million and the cost of sks thesis of 1.2 million. Total 4.7 million. So much money from where to get? My three-month salary is only a few hundred thousand. Just enough for the purpose of eating and alternating internship place. Ask the parents? No way, my dad has no permanent job, plus there are four of my siblings who are in school.Then the pressure was even heavier I felt.

Mind of mind, the inner pressure and soul that really heavy I feel can not focus on starting the thesis. Returning to Jakarta after the election I was getting depressed. Often crying silently. Even had a dumb thought to end life. But I immediately kutepis away feeling that. Finally, I called home. Expressing my worries about the thesis that had been haunting my mind, which I did not have time to tell my family when I was home a few days earlier. Although I was worried that my family would not understand the burden I felt, because I was the first family member to go to college. My mother alone can not say anything because he did not understand at all about thesis, he can only warn me not to be desperate, better not ngerjain thesis than mother must lose children (this after I told him that there are people who dead suicide because of thesis). Fortunately, my brother who graduated from vocational school actually understands the burden I feel. Her words reassured me. He said:

"From the first, who insisted on lecturing you. You should have realized one of the consequences is thesis. But yes if you are not strong need not be dipaksain, family here also will not nyalahin you. You will still be accepted as a family member even if you fail to become a scholar. "

It feels really nyesss when my brother said so. I also became more relieved than ever. At least the feeling of being a useless child is gone, I will still be accepted by the family even though not graduated. But the galauku is not over yet. I'm still nervous anxious, there's no way I'll stop at this point after all his struggles through the three-and-a-half years of college. Finally I decided to talk to Kang Aan Rukmana, Chairman of my Command. He welcomed me kindly and willing to listen to my curhatan. With tears I convey my difficulty to start working on thesis.

"You're a pit pit. Just kamunya wrote a lazy ngerjain. Anyway I want a week from now your proposal should already be on my table. Can it? "That's what he said after I finished vent.

Buset! Nih lecturer even nantang lucky to finish the proposal within one week only. Alamak, gimana bisa.?Kang Aan not accept rejection and defense from me. Finally I can not help accepting the challenge.

I went back to the dormitory with a growing sense of upset. Still confused how to meet the challenges of the young lecturer. A few days passed, I was still struggling with the turmoil. My work is just on the mattress wrote, read the book but it does not enter the brain. Fun ngelamun aja. Until finally I called my best friend in Cirebon, he lectured at IAIN SN Cirebon. I told my troubles start thesis. Hearing my story, Azis was willing to help me draw up a thesis proposal by giving me references to the books I could use and how I started. I also managed to conquer the challenge of kang Aan to complete the proposal within one week. Proposal so, I immediately seminar and get a mentor.