How to Ask for a Divorce

Making the choice to get a divorce is a difficult one. First, think about what's going wrong, get advice, and see if you and your spouse can work things out. If you still choose to get a divorce, prepare yourself for a very delicate conversation. State your desires honestly and directly, without playing the blame-game. After that, take the next steps to proceed legally and get the support you need to move forward.

Get some distance to think. Give yourself some time to process things before making a decision. Sometimes, getting some space—physically, mentally, or emotionally—from the issue can help you see things more clearly. You can also use this time to consider the ramifications of getting a divorce.[1]
Maybe you need a weekend away at a hotel or with relatives or friends to think things through. Perhaps things aren’t as bad as you are making them and getting some time to yourself can help shift your perspective.
On the other hand, getting some distance from your spouse may also help you clarify that you are not happy in the relationship. You might use this time to better identify what's going wrong.
You might also spend some time pondering the potential fallout of ending your marriage, such as experiencing financial instability, not living with your children or only living with them part-time, or breaking from your religious beliefs.[2]

2
Make a list of your reasons. Take some time to think over why you want a divorce. Help build your argument by listing out your reasons on paper. Some of the most common problems that lead to divorce include:[3]
Having poor conflict resolution
Experiencing a lack of intimacy (i.e., emotional and physical)
Seeking satisfaction outside the marriage—like with work or extramarital relationships

3
Seek advice from someone you trust. If you’re on the fence about getting a divorce, reach out to a trusted friend, mentor, therapist, or spiritual adviser. Share your reasons and see if this person can help you figure out what it is you really want.[4]
Simply talking to someone compassionate can help bring to the surface your reasoning for wanting a divorce and help you reach a decision.
Choose someone who is unbiased, like a friend from your parent support group, rather than talking to your mom or your spouse’s sibling.

4
Try couples therapy or spiritual counseling. Getting counseling ensures that your marriage has its best shot. Even if it doesn't work out, you can walk away with a sense of peace afterwards—you gave it all you had. Say to your spouse, "Why don't we meet with a counselor to see if we can work through our problems?"[5]
If you are a spiritual person, consult with an adviser or see a marriage and family therapist.
If your spouse refuses therapy, go on your own to discuss what's going on in your marriage. A counselor can help you reach a decision about whether you want to end things.