May I have a word about… impenetrable sentences?

I’m sure that you, like me, feel a distinct lack in your day if you haven’t read the latest offering from the Financial Reporting Council, the body that regulates accountants, auditors and actuaries.

Consider this gem from its five steps to achieving “high-quality audits”: “Improving the firms’ monitoring of how successful they are at embedding their desired culture, including the Independent Non Executives of the firms being more proactive when performing their assessment of the steps being taken by the firms to embed an appropriate culture.”

You’ll agree that is just the stuff to give those tireless workers at the accounting and auditing coalface. As for actuaries, it reminds me of the old joke: there are three kinds of actuary – those who can count and those who can’t.

Moving swiftly along, I was reading a preview of the David Haye/Tony Bellew fight last weekend, which contained the following jaw-dropper: “The wider mystery is why anybody cares what eventuates in a clash of those two braggarts.” I’m definitely of the language-is-constantly-evolving school but I draw the line at “eventuate”. “Happens” suffices. As it was the first time I had come across this abomination, I did a Google search to see if it had been perpetrated elsewhere. Yup, it had: “But Ms Trad said much of the money allocated towards the Bruce Highway and M1 upgrades would not eventuate for years to come.”

On a happier note, I treasure the model of concision from Sam Houston, quoted in Lawrence Wright’s quite excellent book, God Save Texas: “Govern wisely and as little as possible.” Read it and weep, Financial Reporting Council.