How to introduce emotion in small talk

I have always been kind of an ambievert. I'm not good with small talks. Hence I've trying to get out of my comfort zone by following these steps.

So I decided to give what I call the 3 Step Rule a try.

Step 1: Talk on the same level of emotion your conversational partner is on.

Step 2: Show vulnerability by opening up first in order to make the other person feel safe.

Step 3: Gradually introduce more emotion.

Here let's look at an example of the 3 step method.

Following incident took place after an exam I once gave.

An aquaintance of mine asked me how was the exam.

Here is how I continued the conversation:

“The exam went great! I think it’s gonna be an A. I am so relieved it’s over now. All that studying made me almost go crazy and I am so happy to be talking to real people again.”

Let’s rip my answer into pieces and take a closer look at the remains:

“The exam went great! I think it’s gonna be an A.” – I answer the question and stay on a rational level. One foot in front of the other.

“I am so relieved it’s over now.” – I cautiously introduce some emotion.

“All that studying made me almost go crazy and I am so happy to be talking to real people again.” – By showing vulnerability I give her permission to open up as well.

Not a perfect answer, but definitely good enough.

Now it was her turn. I did my part and gave her the opportunity to talk on an emotional level with me. Here is what she threw back at me:

“I feel exactly the same way! At one point I was so fed up with studying that I put my books aside for a day, called some friends, and went on a binge drinking spree. Not a good idea!”

Bingo! Now I was in the perfect spot to take the conversation in any direction I wanted. Here are some possible options:

“I think if I did that I couldn’t get back to studying. Are you a party girl?” – flirting for beginners.

“We should celebrate!” – to get shitfaced.

“It’s crazy how after all the pressure is gone you kind of start to miss the studying.” – more of the same.

“Are you gonna write any other exams this week?” – small talk.

“I once went to an exam directly after going out and aced it.” She: “Really?” I: “No, I failed miserably and puked on the school toilet.” – to make her laugh. (or find out she has not sense of humor whatsoever)

Try this and let me know if it worked.