For those who are unfamiliar with the term MORMON, it refers to those who belong to the religious organization: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

If you follow the news at all, then you probably have heard about that group of Mormons in Southern Utah and Arizona (FLDS), who isolate themselves from the world, wear gingham dresses, shun technology, priavtely educate their children, worship their prophet as Gods mouthpiece on earth, practice plural marriage... oh and also force underage girls into unwanted marriages, complete with all the unwanted marital "duties."

https://www.biography.com/people/warren-jeffs-20771031

Just for clarification...

That is a sect of Mormonism that has been fully denounced by the mainstream Mormon church (LDS).

Modern Mormons do not practice plural marriage, nor do they endorse or tolerate the marriage of underage children.

For the most part, the modern Mormon is very much like the modern anything else. They hold normal jobs, they drive normal cars, and live in normal houses. Some are wealthy and powerful -- Think Mitt Romney our once and future King -- But most are just .... average.

There are a couple of things that Mormons do differently though.

Statistically speaking, Mormons have more children, marrying more often (and younger), and are more likely to marry someone within their own faith.

http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2015/05/22/mormons-more-likely-to-marry-have-more-children-than-other-u-s-religious-groups/

Mormons are also teetotalist , meaning they refrain from any kind of alcohol. They also do not drink coffee, or partake in any illegal drugs.

And, like many of their Christian compatriots, Mormons believe that sex and sexual relations are to be strictly reserved for marriage. If a Mormon has sex before marriage, then they must undergo what is known as "disciplinary action", which requires the involvement of ecclesiastical leaders (Bishops, Stake Presidents, Area Authorities) . The problem with these procedures, often times, is that the action taken against the offending Mormon is subjectively applied at the discretion of the individual leader.

So basically, you, as a Mormon, could have premarital sex and end up with a slap on the wrist, while your Mormon friend could do the same thing, and end up getting excommunicated (Having your membership in the church terminated).

Of course, that's really only if you have actual sex sex. Most of the time, if a Mormon engages in things like Oral, or Handsy stuff, the repercussions will be less severe.

Sometimes.

That all being said, Mormons are just as horny as any other population of the human race, and who knows, maybe even more so due to the repression aspect.

In truth, Mormon kids, young adults, adult adults, "mess up" all the time -- And really, that should come as no surprise to anyone.

What MIGHT surprise you, however, are the weird things that some Mormons do in order to justify getting their rocks off.

To boil it down to an overly simplified formula, a lot of Mormons believe that as long as the "P" doesn't go in the "V", then you haven't really had sex. Put even more simply, they draw the line at penetration.

That's not too weird -- I think that is how a lot of people classify "actual sex."

But the thing is, if you are a Mormon, you aren't supposed to be doing any of that other stuff either.

That "other stuff" list includes (but is not limited to):

Passionate Kissing (The kind that gets you aroused)
Petting
Light Petting
Heavy Petting
Necking
Touching Naughty Areas Over The Clothes
Touching Naughty Areas UNDER The Clothes
And Yes, Boobs are Definitely considered "Naughty Areas"
Kissing Someone Of The Same Gender PERIOD
Lying Down Together While Kissing
Dry Humping
Levi Loving
Dry Sex
And any other poorly named description of the simulation of sex with clothes on (A favorite among Mormon youth)
Oral Sex
Hand Jobs
Anal Sex
Masturbation
The Viewing Of Porn or Pornographic Materials

And pretty much everything else that most people did before they graduated from college ... maybe even high school.

Again, don't misunderstand, Mormons do ALL of that stuff.

In fact, when it come to Porn specifically, it has been suggested (and refuted) that Utah, with the highest percentage of Mormons per capita, also has the highest percentage of paid porn subscriptions.

https://www.deseretnews.com/article/705288350/Utah-No-1-in-online-porn-subscriptions-report-says.html

Again, this may not be particularly surprising to those who understand human behavior, especially when it comes to sexual repression.

It's like when you go on a diet and you tell yourself that you can no longer have cookies. The second you do that, your mind will automatically become obsessed with the idea of cookies. You fixate, you ruminate, all you can think about is how much you want a stupid cookie. And so, you give in, you "cheat" on your diet by having one cookie. But of course, now that your diet is "ruined" you might as well eat the entire bag of cookies ... which you do ... which is why diets don't work.

It's the same with cookies as it is with "cookies" -- And Mormons love "cookies" just as much as anyone else, but they aren't supposed to be eating them until they get married. Which, if you think about it, really sucks for those Mormons who don't meet someone until they are well into their 30's ... or maybe never at all.

Small wonder then that a lot of Mormon youth try to find ways to justify taboo sexual behavior.

The oddest story I have personally come across, is the phenomenon which has it's Urban Legend roots in a college town called Provo (Utah). There are actually 2 Universities within miles of each other, both filled to the brim with Mormon college students. One of them is even owned and operated by the LDS church (BYU). On paper, BYU (Brigham Young University) is where you would want to send your kid if you are Mormon, and you want them to go to a Mormon school. And very much like the church itself, BYU has a strict "Honor Code" that must be followed, under penalty of explosion and denial of already earned credits.

That's right. BYU will actually freeze your credits so that even if you transfer to another school, all the work you did won't go with you.

Morality is serious stuff at BYU, so perhaps it isn't surprising that it is at BYU that we find one of the more odd Mormon sexual practices.

That is ... if you believe the stories...

It has several names, and I'm guessing that you will probably be able to figure out the act purely based on the fun little titles its been given.

Some call it "Docking" -- Some call it "Soaking" -- Others call it "Marinating" -- And someone really clever dubbed it "The Provo Push."

Essentially, this is where a male enters a female, (either full or partial penetration) and then just ....stays there.

No moving.

No thrusting.

Probably no talking, I'd imagine.

Just ... hanging out ...inside ... until .... ????

I'm sure you must thinking, "This is still technically sex, but literally without any of the actual benefits of sex."

And you'd be correct.

The "P" is going in the "V", which means the act of sexual intercourse has occurred by most reasonable measurements -- And yet ... in theory at least ... if there is no movement, then technically speaking (in their minds at least) it isn't actually having sex?

Perhaps they are drawing the line at Orgasms.

Side Note: I forgot to add Orgasms to the list of Premarital No No's.

But here is the really odd thing.

To most of the rational world, when you choose to engage in a sexual act with someone, you do so fully prepared, or at least, you should be.

This means you've both been tested for STD's, you are both consenting, and you are taking the proper precautions in order to prevent pregnancy.

Seems pretty reasonable right? Pretty common sense?

I once heared a Mormon say that the reason that they were choosing to not wear a condom, was because they felt like if they did, it would be tantamount to them condoning the act, which they felt like they couldn't (shouldn't) do.

So basically what they are saying is that sex to them is like murder, and a condom is 1st degree, and unprotected is manslaughter. If you wear a condom, then it means you premeditated the act, but if you just continue to have a lot of unprotected "Oops Sex", then it shows that you acknowledge that what they are doing is wrong.

Understandably, I get a lot of slack jawed head shaking from the people I tell this story to .

It may not make sense to anyone on the outside, but trust me, it makes total sense to those who are doing it.

What is sad though, is that places like Utah, who push the idea of abstinence in schools instead of sex education, are now experiencing a dramatic rise in the number of STD's and unwanted pregnancies. In fact, the STD rates are higher in Utah than they are in either California or Florida.

https://www.cdc.gov/std/stats16/default.htm

So as funny and interesting as these little Mormon Sex(isms) might be, they are also just one symptom of a perhaps outdated approach to sexuality, that perhaps deserves a second look as the church attempts to evolve and thrive in today's cultural climate.

Just a thought.

I would love to hear what you think? What are some of the weird ways you have heard of people trying to justify sex?