"My girlfriend asked for a temporary break up, putting me on hold. Now I have met a new girl. What should I do?"

Hi Nomad,

I am 30 years old and I have had a girlfriend for seven years. We even lived together for some years but when I offered to get married she got cold feet, panicked and decided she needed a break. For a year she has put me on hold by asking me to wait for her. I was and am still in love and could not, therefore, detach from her.

A few months ago we decided to temporarily disconnect from each other so we could figure out what we feel. We scheduled to meet in two weeks from now.

Three weeks ago I met a new girl. The “click” was immediate and I found her very attractive and appealing to me. Nevertheless, whenever I come home after we meet, and I stumble upon my ex-girlfriend’s things (yes, I have not yet removed them) I miss her.

My friends say I am a fool, but still, I want to hear an objective opinion. I am afraid of losing them both. What should I do?

Eitan

credit: Hsu Tung Han

Eitan,

Come with me two weeks into the future and let’s check out what will be.

You will arrive at the meeting with your ex-girlfriend confused and indecisive, waiting to see what happens; what she will say to help you reach a decision. In other words, you are giving your ex-girlfriend the power to determine how your life should look like. What do you think will happen? I can tell you – nothing.

Your year-long hesitation will be reflected in the meeting and its outcomes. There is also a chance that the new girl, whom you like so much, will lose interest in someone who can’t decide and will leave you. What you are afraid of will come true and you will have one person alone to hold accountable, and that is you.

People who refuse to be responsible, to run their own lives and to make choices – people who simply wait for someone or some event from the outside to give them the answer, experience confusion, and stagnation in their lives.

Therefore, my recommendation for you is to withdraw deep into yourself and decide. You must go to that meeting with a clear decision inside – on the mental and the emotional level – of what it is that you choose.

Ask yourself the following questions:

• What type of relationship do I believe I deserve to have?

• What am I looking for in a relationship?

• What do I really feel about my ex-girlfriend? Is it a sovereign deep love that comes from an independent place or is it me simply being afraid to be alone and lost without her?

• Is it possible that I am driven by the fear of losing all I have invested over the past 7 years?

The fact that your relationship has lasted for quite a long time should not change or influence your decision now! It is possible that you two had to break up much sooner but only now one of you (your ex) has found the courage to do it. At least she took the first step by asking for a temporary separation.

In every break up the fear comes up, from within, about whether or not we are doing the right thing. We are terrified that if we make one wrong move we might miss our “One”, the love of our life, and we will be destined to spend the rest of our lives in solitude.

This fear has no basis.

Remember a famous universal rule that applies well in relationships: when you release a loved one with blessings, with love and with good wishes for her future, and then you disconnect from her completely, you allow the magical universe to act. Life itself will then make sure that you will be given the most appropriate mate. Either the one you just released will come back in a better fashion or circumstances, or someone else, much more suitable for you, will enter your life.

Good luck!