When does this positivity become toxic for us?
These days, family and friends often say things like "always having a positive attitude" or "having a positive outlook on life!" It's okay to be optimistic sometimes, but you should also feel your worst feelings too.
In "toxic positivity," the best way to live is to be happy and upbeat all the time. Focusing on the good and ignoring the bad are ways to do this. Doesn't it sound good? Not so quickly...
Negative thoughts get worse when you try to ignore or avoid them. By telling yourself that bad feelings aren't important, avoiding them reinforces this view. Things get worse the longer you stay in this loop. This method doesn't work.
To avoid feeling bad emotions is to miss out on important knowledge. Feelings of fear tell you to pay attention to what's going on around you. It's true that feelings are knowledge. They don't tell you what to do, they just show you what to do.
If I'm scared of a dog on the path, that doesn't mean I should cross the street; it just means I see it as a threat. Once the person knows what they're feeling, they can choose to avoid the dog or face their fear.
It's harder to understand and talk to people who avoid their bad feelings and act like they don't have them. Most people know that these people aren't as good as they look. They might not be interesting to you or be hard to connect with. Imagine being with someone who doesn't care about your sadness or pain.
Accepting that you have complicated feelings helps you control and lessen their strength. Think about how nice it would be to finally talk about the problems you've been having with your partner, parents, or friends. It will help to get these things off your mind, especially the bad ones, even if it's harder to act like everything is fine.
There is no such thing as "good" or "bad" feelings. Instead, think of them as advice: Our feelings help us understand. If you're upset about leaving your job, you probably liked it. You worry about how you look when you're nervous about giving a talk.
Emotions not only tell us things, they also tell other people things. When we're sad, people comfort us, and when we admit our sins, they forgive us.
It's important to look for the good in every situation, but it's also important to be aware of and pay attention to our bad thoughts. People can't be happy all the time; it's not how they work.
Keeping an eye on and thinking about your feelings can help you learn more about other people and yourself.