Paid Off My House. Sold it. Closed Today. Have $0 from The Proceeds. Thanks Big Bank!

This is a rant about the banking system and why it is obsolete. I'm not going to discuss how blockchain/crypto is so much better because there is no need to. We all already know that. It simply is. Onto my rant...

The American Dream

As the title clearly says, I paid off my home in 2014. It felt fucking great not having a mortgage. The sense of freedom was amazing. I always had a guaranteed roof over my head and no monthly payment!

However, as time went on, I realized that all my life savings were locked up in an non-liquid asset.

It was also around this time that I became interested in bitcoin and other forms of real money. I was so fascinated that I invested most of my currency out of the banking system (ie. paying off my house thereby extinguishing that debt). Life was going well, but I wished I had my capital again. I watched investment opportunities pass me by as I reveled in the fact that I had to monthly payment for a place to live... other that taxes, insurance, repairs, utilities, etc... It actually was not as cheap or rosy as I imagined it!

So, I decided to sell my house in this bubble-priced economy and rent instead. I would use the proceeds to save and invest. Fast forward to today:

SOLD! on July 26th!

Dealing With The Bank

When I paid the house off in 2014, I canceled an existing home equity line of credit and opened a new one in case I ever needed some cash. I was assured the old one was closed at this time. I put my house on the market on June 21st. On June 29th, my home had sold! It was amazingly quick! My closing date was to be July 26th.

I called the bank to close my current line of credit (which had a zero balance). To my shock, the old one (which was purportedly close) was still open for some reason and they didn't know why. The guy who closed it doesn't work there anymore and he left no notes for his colleagues. Great. So, I informed them I wanted both loans closed so my title/deed would be free and clear for the sale. This was June 29th. They said it'd take 5-10 business days to get the lien satisfaction letters sent to the county. Okay, bank; that's reasonable.

July 5th. I called to confirm the that process was moving along and to inquire about an ETA. They said they didn't receive the request. I emailed them a dated copy and they said the lady who I emailed originally is on vacation. I informed that that I don't care, it should have been handled. Fuck you, bank.

July 11th. I went into a branch. Now this is not a small one-branch bank... this is a national bank. The branch manager delivered the news that it takes ANOTHER 5 business days for a request to be "recieved." WTF? I asked why. The answer was always, "that's our process." I told him I NEEDED it by July 26th so I could close. He had to then call the bank's 1-800 number to get a customer-facing representative to inquire on my behalf. After waiting 30 mins on hold, he was told "that's the process." I was so furious that I closed all my accounts, which I have had for over 10 years. Fuck you, bank.

I called the next day and demanded to speak to the man or woman in charge or loans. I was told I could not. I asked what their process is and why it takes so long to get a simple request on a ZERO BALANCE loan processed. No one had an answer. "it's our process, it's done by the lien release dept." I asked to speak to the lien release dept. and was told I could not and they are not allowed to speak with customers. I asked if they could speak on my behalf and was told they can only email them a request form. The closing date is becoming imminent. Fuck you, bank.

I managed to get ahold of the "Vice President of Consumer Lending" and he provided me a letter stating that the loans are paid in full and they would be mailing out satisfactions. That was not good enough. I needed the actual documents. He said it's their process and apologized for "the inconvenience." Remember, on June 29th, I was told 5-10 business days. I demanded satisfaction (hurr hurr) and he kept apologizing for the inconvenience and delay. It was now July 20th and no one could tell me an ETA, the process, or why I had two loans when one was supposedly closed YEARS ago. Fuck you, bank.

Today

I went to my closing. At the end, the seller produced a check out and handed it to the title company instead of me. Why? Because they are placing the funds in escrow until I get the satisfaction letters. When will that be? Who knows... not me, not the buyer, not the title company, and not even the goddamn bank. So, here I sit with a sold house, no savings, and a stack of signed paperwork. I'll be checking my mailbox every day for a piece of paper that was delayed due to incompetence, human error, red tape, & inefficiency so that I can get my funds. The bank doesn't care about me, you, or anyone. They got tens of thousands of dollars of interest from me and that was their only concern. Fuck you, bank.

^{(Please note that the images in this post are not my own work.)}