Photo by Quino Al on Unsplash

Always wanting to be better

I wouldn't call myself a good leader. I personally feel that I'm far from it as I look from a distance of my other peers and people who I have come across over the years who were 'good leaders' in my eyes. I've never known how much weight the role of being a leader is until I've tasted a little of it. I can say that it is quite often a pretty 'thankless role' to begin with. I can understand now a little bit of how my previous leaders have felt when certain situations and conflicts are budding. How they had to go out their way just to hear people's rants, unfair judgments and these all can be quite VERY cruel. How late nights can be long and even family time was neglected. But he/she kept her calm.

Deep down sobbing, wiping the tears away and moving on quickly to continue shouldering the burden of the team. Trying to listen and understand each concern and devising the best way for results and the welfare of the whole team.

Even though I have pockets in my own life of being a leader, I have definitely made many mistakes as one. If I were to tell you some of them, you would probably go like 'wow zord! I can't believe you're like that'. Come to think of it, I've failed at some point in time as a leader, whether in church, building my community here on hive, at my workplace or even short term leadership roles I've taken apart of. And yes, the world is quick to judge when things don't go their way.

'Leadership is not about being the best, Leadership is about making everyone else better'

And honestly, this being quite hard for me to do, I've put down baby steps to always lead 'putting my team first'. The credits and appreciation are always something very tempting for me especially when there are times when you KNOW that you've put in all the effort, countless nights, taking initiative to solve things and keeping everything going smoothly. In the end, there isn't a single thank you to whatever you've done. Especially when your highest love language is 'words of affirmation'.

But because of this, I've recently only started to shift myself to stop expecting appreciation and rewards for doing something right or more. I've started to realized that being a leader is quite often a thankless role.

Photo by Jehyun Sung on Unsplash

I'm still pretty much a newbie leader and I've much to learn. This definitely isn't an overnight thing but a lifetime. I feel that the only way to understand a leader is definitely to be one. But then again, not everyone wants to or can actually do it. So I applaud and have a new admiration for the good leaders I've met in this little journey called life because you guys are courageous, risk-takers and when no one is there for you, you were always there for everyone.

 

Thank You

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_{Credits to @pinstory & @coloringiship for this lovely photo of me.}

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