Death and Beyond
Death is an uncertain anomaly. In the brink of an eye, a life, a living human being will be nothing but a nonmoving flesh bag. Just today, a person died in front of me. A healthy-looking young man, around my age, most probably fit than most of the people I know was run over by a bus, bleeding like a tap from his nose, vomit mixed with blood all over him was just lying there.
This year has brought nothing but bad luck to me. Too many people I know keep dying, bad things happening to some and what not. And now it’s SARS-COV2 that might kill me or my family or my friends. No way of knowing when it might come.
Late at night, when nothing but the ambiance of condensed dew falling on leaves puts me in the deepest of thoughts, the silence suddenly breaks when my dad starts coughing badly. I rush to see if he needs something, thinking if he has been infected with the virus. Or when my mother is suffering like crazy from the neuropathic pains in her arms. I try to comfort her doing and trying anything in my ability, I keep thinking, is this the end? Is this how the people I love will die out in front of me? And then my conscience grows angry and makes me pray that before that happens GOD please, take me. I couldn’t bear any more losses to the beautiful, peaceful and quiet family I had. So please take me so that I do not have
to see it.
Last year when my sister died, my friends were afraid to come to see me. They later told me that they didn’t know the words to comfort me with, to show empathy. But only to them, to me I do not believe I’ve done enough, but to them, I’ve always been there when something like this happened. I’ve always known what to do, how to comfort others. But I know how hard it is to say what needs to be said, do what needs to be done. It was never easy for me. I only knew how to keep my head clear of all the emotions that cloud the rational judgments. And that’s why they decided to see me after weeks. They came one by only sat there beside me, being completely silent. I tried to find peace in that and it helped me. Not everybody can be a dead soul inside.
I’ve seen them forget their dead close ones only after months. For me even after years, I keep day dreaming their smiling and kind faces. It might be that they kept straight faces and made appearances. But I’ve always seen the hidden emotions, even those that they tried to hide. But people with fewer problems can never keep being sad or can grief for eternity. The pleasure in small things come out peeking from their eyes.
It might be that I’m dead inside. I have no emotions that play out of me but I’m always sad. Always thinking of how they keep dying. When my sister died, a very close friend came to visit me. He was studying in Russia and got the chance of coming after almost a month. When he came he asked about all the intricate things, and details about what I felt. I kept nothing from him. The sadness only stayed for moments. He slowly forgot about all the things I said to him. And know his father is dead. Only been two months, and now he understands and remembers all the thoughts of mine. Which proves you can never be prepared for such a thing. Even for the people, you love who might be on life support and comatose for years.
This is the type of van that guy was pulling
Just today, that guy who got run over, I was standing two feet far from him. All the help was there and he was dead before anybody could do anything. Two friends of mine and I went to service our bikes. It was a moto shop just beside the road. One of the bikes needed special attention and we were told by the guy that it might take a moment. So we were hanging by the road. A small but tightly build man was pulling a traditional human pulled van just beside the road. When out of nowhere an intercity bus just pushed and dragged him along with the van for more than 20 meters. The bus kept going for 100 meters or so more.
I never ran so fast in my life. When I went to him and saw what had happened, I immediately knew that his life was over. In those short few seconds, a small puddle of blood formed just beside his head. Like leftover reddish jello from Halloween Night. I was in shock. Somehow the van was still OK. Two guys came rushing, passed the frenzied mess that I was, put him in that same van and dragged him away to a nearby clinic not far. It was just on the other side of the road. The guy died on the van and the blood made a thin black trail on the asphalt from the crash site to the hospital. We followed and found him still lying on it. Dead.
This made me realize how weak we humans are. I’ve seen such a bloody mess many times in my life, in some, it was nobody’s fault. But this felt like a cruel prank. There he was, sweat dripping to the ground, might be thinking about his lover or wife and now already decomposing in the ground just 12 hours later.
At that time I snapped. Somebody had pulled out the driver of that intercity bus by the right window. Shaking like a coward, he was just sitting there. Looking at his eyes I knew, this guy didn’t care for even his life. Reckless driving for years has turned him into an adrenaline junkie, and all his cat-eyed shit was just acting. To be saved from public beating. I knew what he was in and out. I pulled him up by his collar and started slapping left and right. Later I was told that it took five guys to hold me back. I would’ve killed him right then and there “American History X” style if it weren’t for them.
But at what cost. A Life just was ripped out from Gods Earth. And now when I’m writing this, I’m thinking and praying that God saves my loved ones from such vicious death. At least grant them a death of mercy. Take them at the age of 80 while lying in a comfy bed with their family keeping them warm.