Embracing myself and accepting me

Lately life has been a bit challenging, all of my fears came together to bring back old memories from childhood and teenage years. I found myself faced with a situation where someone I respect and is paramount in providing my lifestyle told me that I was “not what they expected” this person along with others preceded to patronise/ express dissatisfaction and show me to myself! What did I see ?

• a person that has all of her life backed down in the belief that the other was correct in their assumptions of her.

• a person that is terrified of losing her income and having to seek another job at ‘this age’

• a person that is not acceptable and not meeting certain expectations.

But even though I saw all of these points/beliefs within myself I made the decision in that moment to not accept them any longer.

I am grateful to this person as they are assisting me to be better in all areas, physically and mentally.

I commit myself to not define myself as the above points and I see/realise and understand how I am not another’s opinion. I commit myself to do my best with the information that I have and if it is still not good enough, then I will move on.

I commit myself to not endulge in energetical reactions of negativity and positivity and instead breathe, slow down and assess who I am in all moments.

I have faced this point of ‘not good enough’ many times in my life, whether it’s my partner, my parents, my teacher or my boss. I asked myself why does it keep coming up ?

• because I have been allowing it maybe and because I don’t or should say didn’t rate myself.

‘The loser’ is not who I am, there maybe elements of not getting everything right every time, but again this is always dependent on what I’m doing and another’s perspective of right and wrong.

I now know that if I do my best, in that I do what is expected to be done in complete self honesty, because I always know when I am not being completely honest within myself, there is like a niggling doubt that I am not quite with and as the point of what is expected and accept a lesser version of my full potential in all areas! For this I forgive myself and commit myself to not accept a lesser version in all areas of my life - only when I do the best for me do I do the best for others.