Overcoming my negativity

I have been inspired by the people that I have found on steemit so far (this is my 9th day). The ones I am choosing to follow are inspired, optimistic, intelligent, and actively making the world a better place. It seems that they are interested in supporting others with a similar positivity.

I have always been a pretty negative person. I would say I am most often depressed. My parents were critical and judgemental, incessantly offering their opinion on how things could be different in the world around them be it in national politics or dinner conversation or the clothing choices of others. I adopted that tendency and just now in my 30's have decided it is time for a paradigm shift. I recognise that it is a habit that causes dis-ease in myself and in others and I do not want to pass it to my son.

One of the major facets of my life has always been an obsession with history and political science. My major in college was history, and I focused on the rise and fall of empires, colonialism, and the CIA's involvement in South America. This is quite possibly the most depressing subject matter possible to spend your life focused on. So I graduated magna cum laude with a knowledge of war and oppression, $20k in debt, no marketable skills, a hatred for institutional life, and a growing addiction to drugs and alcohol.

11 years later I find myself in beautiful countryside with the best wife and son a man could ask for, food straight from the soil, no probation, in recovery and in healthy community, debt-free, and doing what I love for a living! I am so grateful, and awestruck by Divine Grace. Why do I still find my mind trapped in obsessive negative loops, meditating on the deeds of wickedness done by tyrants? Old habits... I also have a hard time believing that most people will choose what is good for them. The market is dominated by names like Grummond, Monsanto, Pfizer, Pepsi, Budwiser, Marlboro.... the masses will think what they are told to think, buy what they are told to buy. Why should I cry out like a voice in the desert "Repent! The Kingdom of God is close by!" When the audience is self-destructive and may also get murderous if their drug and tv induced coma is interrupted?

Love. Love came looking for me and chased me till it found me and never coerced me to do anything against my will- Love gave me a reason to desire better things! When Jesus saw the crowds of people he had compassion on them, because "they are like sheep without a shepherd". My tendency is to say "Stupid sheep! You don't need a shepherd- go find something worthwhile to do with yourselves! You are pathetic!" How arrogant of me....

I want to share my good life and the process whereby Love led me gently to green pastures, beside still waters. I want to be part of the solution. I am still in the early steps of this transformation, but I am inspired by you dreamers, you seers of visions, you philosopher-kings and queens.

(All photos courtesy of pixabay.com)