Dear Diary

This stuff is really tough. I sound like a broken record but what can i do. I have creativity locked inside. It wants to come out and join the party. But, man, F buts, but, everythings so hard. Normal life is so difficult. Who woulda thunk a tough country boy like myself would ever have to deal w these extremes. Ive had so many near death experiences, i cant count & i walked away from them all. I dont know what to do and im afraid. Really afraid to do too much cuz it can set off attacks. I always was Very independent from birth and now i am relying on my loved ones which really bothers me. More words echoed like dust.