Steps to Diffuse Family Communication - How to Avoid Insults and Hostile Communication in the Family

We have been discussing how it is important to make a plan for steps to diffuse family issues. The first step is to stop pointing at your family members when you argue, stop telling them what to do and generally engage in communication. It takes a certain amount of tact to not get into a big fight when there are issues but if you want to solve family problems then you have to be able to talk to each other without your family members taking sides. The result of this is that you can diffuse conflicts by stepping back and taking control.


We have all heard the stories of husbands and wives who go on verbal spits in front of the television and verbally beat each other into submission. They often do this because they disagree with one another over something or they are having an argument over something that should be resolved in a mature manner. The result of these types of situations is that people start to dislike each other and eventually get into large arguments that explode into huge affairs that can turn ugly.

In order to avoid such a scenario, we need to take some time and think before we go into a big fight or even start a war. This might seem like an impossibility in today's society when everyone has access to a television and the Internet. However, in many families there is a different way of dealing with problems. You do not necessarily have to start arguments or display rude behavior in order to achieve diffused communications. All you need to do is take one small step back and you will find that the situation develops into something far more satisfactory.

First of all, you must become aware that when you are trying to communicate with your family members you are not trying to become a conqueror. Often, family members tend to treat each other as though they are the enemy and this tends to lead to huge arguments that degenerate into confrontations that can be very ugly. If you want to change the way that you interact with them, you must be able to recognize this early on. This is one of the primary steps to diffusing family by changing your inner conversations.

When you are having a conversation, you should never use the words "I" or "We" in any way. Instead, begin the conversation using the words "You" or "Us". This is done simply because it will make the other person feel heard. It is far better to have somebody else say, "You" than to use "We" and have the person sound like a robot.

Next, you should learn how to relax. Nobody ever wants to listen to a lunatic who cannot sit still for five minutes. Sit up straight in your chair and look the other person in the eye without looking around the room. As soon as you begin a conversation, maintain eye contact for at least six uninterrupted minutes without switching from your seat.

One of the best ways to diffuse a tense situation is to let the other person take the lead for a bit. For example, if someone is talking about their day, ask what they would do if you were not there. Or, if someone is complaining about the temperature being too cold outside, tell them that if the weather is nice you could bring an umbrella. By taking the lead, you allow yourself the luxury of time to formulate your response. If the other person feels that they have the upper hand in the conversation, they are more likely to be relaxed and open up to suggestions.

Lastly, one of the steps to diffusing family communication is to never assume that the other person can not stand up for themselves. Often times, people get defensive when someone takes control and try to steer the conversation back to the topic at hand. The best thing to do here is to simply nod your head in agreement, letting them know that you are interested in the conversation but feel that you need to finish your thought first. By doing this, it allows everyone to feel more at ease and communicates that you support their right to speak and that you are willing to listen to them.