Time to Stop Procrastinating and Face the Music

I have always known what I have to do... but it was just too emotionally painful to admit. Even more so, to ACT on that knowledge. I kept trying to bargain with myself... repeatedly 'kicking the can down road' delaying the inevitable. The fact is, I cannot please both my birth family (their god) and myself. I cannot retain close positive relations with them and live my own life. The best I can hope for is to gain some distance between myself and them, and maintain at least a superficially familiar relationship. Visit maybe once a year. At the very least, I have avoided 'scorched earth' and 'burnt bridges' but at far too great a cost. I am emotionally devastated, and physically damaged, yet I still desire life. So I must move on, and come to terms with my loss and the loss of my idealized relationships I never had. I pray that this is the hardest thing I will have to deal with in my life, but I am a survivor come what may.