The Day I broke

As I walked into the gym I’d already planned what I was going to do.

Them plans went out the window.

Man flu had WON.

A thumping headache.
Weak.
Eye’s streaming.

I thought whats the point of training? I’m
just doing myself more harm than good.

I’m not a machine.

That’s the problem these days.

Some of us are made to believe that we’re
machines that shouldn’t break.

Not just physically but mentally.

I’ve actually done both.

Physically when I was doing so much strength
training didn’t take any rest and I literally
couldn’t move for around 4 weeks.

Mentally it was a few years ago.

Doing this job I speak to so many people,
behind closed doors the things you see on
Facebook are not real.

A lot of people are struggling and too proud
to ask for help.

To TALK to people.

As they see it as WEAK.

Yes I’ve done that too.

I’m going to take you back a few years.

I was in my footballing hey day (I used to be pretty good you know) my football manager Del heard I was a personal trainer, he asked me to help him lose weight for charity.

I’ll do most things for charity so I agreed.

4 Stone in 4 months was the challenge.

He came to the gym everyday, he did everything I asked of him and we became very very close.

4 months passed and he smashed his goal of 4 stone.

He then persuaded me to run the London marathon for charity.

Off we went again training together.

We went on holidays, we spend loads of time together and Del became one of my best mates.

One day after a game of tennis Del was complaining about his arm hurting. “It will be fine” I said.

Then he struggled holding his pint glass on night out.

“I’m sure it’s nothing” I said.

Del wanted to go for tests, I thought he was just being bit of a hypochondriac.

Del went for tests.

He was convinced he had a brain tumour, but the truth was it was far worse.

MOTOR NEURONE DISEASE.

3 to 4 years to live.

It hit hard, but Del was positive he was determined to make the most of the time he had left.

As time went on Del got worse, he asked me to become his full time carer, which I did.

So there I was, running my own business, showering and feeding my best mate, are you ok everyone asked.

“I’m good” I said.

Then the next bombshell hit.

My Mum got diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer.

She needed a mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiotherapy.

I believed I could cope with anything.

How are you coping everyone asked.

“I’m fine” I said.

Truth was, that I was struggling… BAD.

I also had a girlfriend at the time that was
far from supportive.

It was all adding up.

The breakdown came when my girlfriend at the
time refused to talk to me in the car on the
way to a Manchester United game.

I got to Manchester and I broke down.

I had gone.

Keeping everything in and trying to be a
machine, had destroyed me.

I was in PIECES.

Uncontrollably sobbing.

I couldn’t stop.

I was scared, lonely, over worked and taking
everything on myself.

I decided that I needed help.

I decided to talk to people and tell them the truth.

I was in a bad way.

Instead of saying that I was fine, I told the
people closest to me that I was struggling.

It was a game changer for me.

I had people to talk to and to help me
through it.

I went out more, things picked up.
Now I’m going to say this, for anyone
struggling as I know a number of you are.

TALK TO PEOPLE.

GET HELP.

IT’S NOT WEAK.

It’s actually a sign of STRENGTH.

People are willing to help you.

Health isn’t just how you are physically, but
mentally too.

In the last couple of years, I’ve been reading
so many books on how to deal with your
emotions, not only have I been reading them
but I’ve been putting them into practice too.

I’m now a NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programme) master.

It changes you, for the better.

It’s not easy.

It’s all about PRACTICE.

EVERYTHING is about PRACTICE.

If you’re struggling it’s imperative
that you see someone.

Talk to someone and seek HELP.

You’re not alone.

The battle can be won.

Rob “crying isn’t weak” Blackburne