My Story

Howdy folks. My name is Troy. I am a 42 year old man with only one arm. I put this in the Medical category due to the fact that alot of this deals with my health. Having only one arm is just part of my story and only part of my problems. What I want to do is tell a story about how I lost my son and my wife, then I want to ask you to help me get them back. Please read this testimonial of mine and then decide if you can help. Thanks.

In 1993 my high-school sweetheart and I were married. I knew it was going to be a good marriage event though she had Cerebral Palsy. She was not in a wheelchair or anything that bad. She was what I liked to call highly capable despite her physical drawbacks. She is a very smart woman, it's just that sometimes things need to be explained to her many,many times before she will truly understand them.

In early 2004, after more than 10 years of marriage we found out we were going to be parents. Needless to say we were both excited and scared at the same time. Now is when I tell about the mother-in law. My Ex-mother in law is a really strong willed woman. She is accustomed to getting things done the way she wants them, always has been always will be. I always loved her and respected her. She helped us though many hard times and I will always remember her giving nature.

After hearing that she was going to be a grandmother things began to change. She began to tell my wife that due to her disability that she would not be able to take care of a child without help (I thought that’s what the father was for....to help). She put it into her mind that the ONLY person capable of helping was her (my wife’s mother). Things only got worse when on June 2nd of 2004 I was injured at work and my left arm was nearly severed. After this happened I was on some heavy duty meds and I don't quite remember everything in the period of time shortly after my accident. I know I was in the hospital for a month or more but I'm not sure just how long. I do remember going home and being upset because my wife was not staying at home with me....she had moved in with her mother after being told she would be unable to care for me, and that she should let my family handle that. This angered me because I know my wife. She is a very capable woman who puts her mind to a task and gets it done....It might take her a few tries but it gets completed. I don't mean to say she stayed away from me, she came over to the house for a few hours each day, but then returned to her mother for the evening. I became very lonely and depressed for a time.

As the birth of our child approached, I just couldn't be unhappy. I was going to be a father. I didn't even let it bother me to much when my Mother-in law told me I couldn't be in the room when my son was born.( If I hadn't been on pain meds and other meds I probably would have gotten upset, but if you have ever been on them you will understand that you don't think to clearly then). I was happy to be a Dad. She told me that due to my son being delivered by Cesarean that they would only allow one person in the delivery room. Many years later I found out that was untrue....she told the doc and the nurses that I did not want to be in the room.

My Son, Andrew Thomas was born on Nov, 9th 2004, and for a short while I was to happy and proud to be upset at much of anything. Now at some point around this time frame I had begun to take an Anti-nerv pain medication called Nuerontin (not sure on the spelling). I think I took it for about 3 months maybe, but I know I quit taking it because I and those around me noticed I was having memory issues...I was forgetting simple things....it was affecting both my long term and my short term memory. I still have issues today. After this point my memory regarding dates is rather fuzzy so I will just be guessing mostly, Please forgive me.

Shortly after my son was born, my wife’s mother convinced her that due to my injury and the medications I was taking, and the fact that my wife had Cerebral Palsy, that we could not be expected to make good decisions about the care of our son. My wife then told me we should give her mother guardianship of our son. To this day I hate myself and feel that if I had not been taking medications that I would have been able to think more on this and said no, But I said yes to it....I still don't understand why I did.(It was explained to me that my decision making skills were impaired due to my medications and this would only be temporary.) At this time I was only taking the meds at night to help me sleep and only minimal amounts at that. Within 4 or 5 months I had stopped taking any of the meds that would impair my judgment.

I think my son was around a year or so old when I snapped. I am not proud of what happened and I blame nobody but myself for what I did, I did it, nobody else did. I am Man enough to admit to my mistakes. I think it was 2 or 3 months after my son was born that I was driving again so I could go grocery shopping and stuff. My son was living with his mother at her mothers house now and I would go over there daily and go home to sleep (she had no place for me to sleep there). The bad thing was that as my sons guardian my mother-in law told me I was not to drive my son anywhere, I couldn't even take my own son on an outing. This went on for, I think 6 to 8 months. I felt like a glorified babysitter for my own child. Here I was a grown man and it seemed to me that I had to wait for an adult just to take my son anywhere. Every day it gnawed at me digging into me more and more, until one day I snapped. I was at my mother-in laws taking care of my son and while he was sleeping I was looking in a cupboard for some paper, when a envelope fell to the floor. In the envelop I found some money, a lot of money. I was mad...I wanted to hurt her...that was the only thought I had. I put it in my pocket and kept it for a few days I think. One day after that her mother said I took it and I think I told her I didn't have to listen to her...Not really sure What I said. I stormed out got in my car and ended up in Jackpot Nevada....I remember eating...playing a few games...getting a room, then I headed back home. On the way home I stopped at the Perrine bridge in Twin Falls. There I sat on the railing contemplating. I tried to figure out how I got where I was, I even considered jumping. Eventually I drove home, and went straight to the police station and told them what I had done.

Needless to say I am now divorced and haven't seen my son since. After I went to court I was given 60 days jail with 30 suspended and 14 years probation. In the sentencing the judge gave me a no contact order for my now exe wife and my son, it had no end date to it so I have not even been able to send a birthday card to my son. At this time I was receiving about $1800 a month in workman’s comp income and was ordered to pay $175 a month child support. I got no issue with that, none at all. But since then I have come off of workman’s comp and you would not believe how hard it is to get a job when you only have one arm. (it was removed may 1st 2008 after 13 surgeries) since 2010 I have been living with a friend and sometimes make less than $100 a month to live on doing odd jobs for folks. I am now about 17K behind in support payments. I asked child services if we could modify the order due to my change in income over a year ago but they want me to promise to pay a $540 lawyer fee. Now I was taught that if you promise to pay something KNOWING that you are unable to pay it then you are committing fraud. Sorry just won't do it...so it keeps piling up.

I want my son. He is mine not my Ex-mother-in laws. I believe that if I can get a lawyer I can make a case of it. Based on the fact that her Guardianship should never have happened because when I signed the paper giving her guardianship I was under the influence of medications, thus making me not legally able to sign a binding document. This combined with the State of Idaho wanting me to commit fraud I feel should have her Guardianship terminated and I will then ask for custody. Before I can do this I need to pay the back child support first, or no good lawyer will take my case. I am hoping to raise $20000 to pay the back payments and for lawyer fees. Please pray about this and if led, to help with what you can.

Thank You very much for your time.
Troy Vandeventer

The picture is of my son in 2013. It is the one of the only pictures I have of him.

The post above is a slightly edited version of my original post on the Generosity.com crowdfunding website. If feel led to donate please do so with a donation of Steem and not on the Generosity websit because that post is so old I don't know if I would even be able to access the money.

Please upvote and resteem