The Abysmal Biscuit
View this post on Hive: The Abysmal Biscuit
5 years ago in #finishthestory by tristancarax (66)
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Reacción (Reaction): Now I must be absolutely clear that I had already read the story and I am a bit out of sequence for this section (possibly the later two as well). Second point to make for me was I never found of the usage of the word "r*pe" considering... well my history and all that of which would take a year to explain everything that's just majorly relevant. But listen carefully to what I say here: your usage of that word which is a profanity in my eyes and ears and mind was carefully done right and properly contextualized against heteronormative narratives of non-males loving it or only resisting it because they secretly loved it. For that I am very thankful for, albeit moving on I knew there was no way the protagonist wasn't going to survive and I must agree with the rest that her torture thereafter was brutal and no ways of overcoming with an elder dick like that. Probably confirming the fact that the elder magician probably had his hand with the smoke incident but probably didn't cause but would have his impact on the smoke scene on the train. And while I am not a fan of "let's make sure we exact torture on everyone because WE CAN :D :D :D :D (and that we should do this on everyone but barely touch on male suffering at all, and make sure that some die to really drive it home - even if I am a male writer and can't fathom male suffering)" stories, I think this story clearly escapes the very foundations of those stories/sub-plots. But this would require an entire consideration of which my mentally unstable mind shouldn't be focusing on right now.
La filosofía (The Philosophy): So distracting myself away from that philosophical arch, let's focus on another - more deadlier arch - the getaway/shadowy/unseen criminals of society. This post very much is a showcase on the very mystical nature that we do portray unto these peoples, especially with that newspaper blurb at the end being its highest form of absurdity on the situation. Yet there's one thing it does not: to glorify nor mystify them, to painstakingly showcase each action which sometimes would comically reduce their powers had only increased the very threats that they actually are. To give a clear reinforcement of their very real threat to anybody in a society, yet to avoid mysticism (though there's a showcase of mystical powers) in good degrees of fashion. But to show it just doesn't happen but that the perpetrator has to have a victim on hand to exact on, that victims don't lure them but the predators have to actively hunt, to showcase that they can hide under our flesh but act very much not like us all and to not double-down but to press into our face this very material issue.
La forma (The form): Well I did just accidentally explain it up there, give it a second read that section. Otherwise, that newspaper clipping/blurb really was a good endpoint to this all and a reminder that those who possess power in society have the means to distort the truth of a matter one way or another of what exactly had happened. Even, as others and I stated, the bandits were there, probable case he the old man had a hand in it all as well.
Thanks for the compliment. I'm definitely not a fan of it. Even if a woman wanted to foreplay like that I say no.
I'm not quite sure if the man was there at all physically. I've thought about both scenarios of him not being there or being there. If the former, the diesel-powered engine smoke causes the deaths. If the later, that man is wicked, which is a little more of what I was going for. I was researching the myths of Transylvania that went beyond vampires. Peter Piper wasn't a friendly dude and there was a bridge many jumped from. I went off these ideas.
The criminals ... I've imaged them as the people who built the diesel-power trains knowing the destruction they would cause. To get that dollar you've got to crack a few eggs. ;-)
Ha. That newspaper blurb ands a whole host of questions, doesn't it?
Thanks for stopping by.
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Damn Tristan you have really delivered here. I loved the bit about the cats tongue over sandpaper, reminded me of that last feast f3nix delivered us and just set the tone for the mixture of pure unexcused horror, with a little touch of tongue-in-cheek.
your descriptions here are just so wonderful, and appreciate the thread of almost reptile choices of description that set a tone for the repulsion and presence of the man. You have captured that elaborate tone and pulled on it so well, little details, like the link between her father and boyfriends that add to her as a real person.
I could feel that one! You don’t shy away from the grim dirty details of the fog and its effects, and then carrots up the butt haha you walk the line of horror entertainment so well here, that wonderful candy twist of creepy and amusing. And then the excerpt at the end caps this so well, it gives the feeling of having had insight into the truth behind a mystery!
@calluna, the piece you wrote this week really helped to inspire me this round. Some of the words I was able to nab from your piece was the sandpaper part. Your descriptions helped a lot.
I was going to a worm of some sort the first time around but I couldn't find find one that was striking terror into me so I went with the snake. When I was approaching this, I was thinking that the woman might be a child molester, or, at the very least, not a very good mother, unable to rid herself of the demons from her past. The line about the father and boyfriends is the repeated trauma cycle. Very sad. However, it is so prevalent in our times.
I was wanting to use an executioner for the longest time! haha. I've heard that almost all of them were drunks. What a sad life. Carrots sticking out of butts ... I was thinking she did some really bad things to children.
Pied Piper wasn't a very nice guy in the old fairy tales. Only a little while ago did I think to say that the fingers pieced themselves together in the shape of a lute somehow.
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So awesome!!!
You've taken the prize for the most explicit descriptions in this round, Tristan! (If only you could have seen my expression when I read of the carrots protruding from the backsides of the children on the merry go round. 🤢)
The pain and degradation of Joelle's terror as she fought to breathe and lost control of faculties ratcheted my discomfort and hope that there would be some way for her to survive. Then you give us the excerpt at the end, leaving us to wonder if what she experienced was a hallucination from an oxygen starved brain in those final moments or if the man truly was an entity of destruction. Perhaps the bandits redirected the smoke to incapacitate those riding the train or maybe they come upon the locomotive after the fact, taking what they could from the deceased? A good mystery either way.
@brisby, my dear squirrel, see what you get for making me do my own work!!! bwhaha. (I must be sick. I'm cracking up that you almost tossed your cookies.)
Such a sad and horrible way to die.
Your final comments have me in suspense of what was really going on as well.
I was waiting for yours and damn if you delivered! Your similes are particularly vivid and original. I can tell that there's research behind. I like that you don't hesitate to descend into the most morbid details to render the scene at its best. The final excerpt is a coup de scene we never saw in an FtS and puts all the happening under a different light open to many interpretations. In my opinion, the whole scene was a desperate death delirium given by the smoke.
Your descriptions of things, @f3nix, often leave me in awe. My goal was to stay as close to what you had written in the first half as possible. It is a struggle for me. It makes since when I read works like yours as to how it can work but then, when I go to do it myself, I get hung up and make things way more complicated than they really are.
Almost all of my stories for this contest have been researched 8-). I'm glad it comes out a lot here.
Yes! I've got another unique thing done within this realm under my belt!
Smoke kills, man.
I've really enjoyed writing here.
It's always with great pleasure and happiness when I meet amazing works like your and the fact that my communities are draining my vp..... Lol) doesn't still stop me from motivating your through comments.
I really enjoyed your part of the story more and it feels so great to read your blog today. You really rocked it.: every second spent on your blog was really worth it and I wait to be crossing paths on the blockchain soon.
So till then, stay safe and keep the writing spirit up
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It warms my heart to read your message.
This is one of my more gruesome pieces. I'm surprised at myself for writing it and letting it come out as it wanted to.
Yours in the practice ...
Yea..... That's the spirit to do all your wish for. All you do to make it awesome is to allow it to flow when needed.
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