Denial

I was trapped in a loveless relationship for the best part of a decade because I was in denial.

With hindsight I realise that person was not in love with me, he was always pining for his ex.

I know this fact because we had a shared computer. One day while surfing the web I clicked on a link and it took me to a Facebook page. I did not have a Facebook account and neither, so I thought, did my partner but there were login details for his email address.

I set up a quickie Facebook account and searched for his email address. It brought up a Facebook profile with no photograph and a generic female name. The accounts only friend was his ex. He had set up a fake Facebook profile just to spy on her.

Looking at our internet history, it appeared to be something he did regularly after I went to bed.

He was not over his ex even years into our relationship, I felt like a substitute and it delivered another blow to my already pitiful self esteem. I absolutely hate being treated like a mug but I just pretended I didn't see anything. Denial.

I also found naked photos of her in the computer's recycle bin. Please bear in mind this was a shared computer, did he want me to find them? Am I expecting too much or should I just live with the fact that the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with still held a torch for his ex. The easiest option was denial.

I just carried on like nothing happened but I finally broke up with him for different reasons. Multiple reasons actually. His controlling behavior was the main reason. It is finally over, I just need to get these things off my chest I guess.