Finding Simplicity in a Complex World

Oh the fight, oh the struggle.

This is just the start... but where do I begin?

Rock bottom, that is about where this needs to start, and for many of you it will. For reading this now it will do you no good but do not stop for one day you will remember these words and think. Now, I realize what to do when I am on rock bottom.

I spent my whole life chasing after one thing. Fortune! I would get the first opportunity and chase it putting everything I had into anything that would promise me a rise in wealth and prosperity. The biggest problem is that I am pretty good at just about anything so no matter what would come my way I would succeed. That sounds fine and dandy but you see, when you are succeeding at the wrong things then you have a serious problem.

Fast food, everyone loves it from time to time. Even the rich and famous binge on the carb filled, greasy, heart killers the very over popular establishments offer. Not to mention the sugar content and other ingredients that make most meals a death sentence waiting to happen. For me, it was a job. At least it started that way...

***EDIT 9/15/2016***

o to work to work, and learn everything you possibly can. That is what the elderly people in my life always told me. So that is what I did, I would wake up early and start working on the farm I lived on. Feeding horses, milking goats,  making sure all the chores were done as fast as I could. Before mom called us in to start school I would always try to get a little fishing done at the pond.  After school I would head into town to get to work at the local burger joint. Skating and food delivery was what I focused on. Customer service was the official title but what ever... it was a job and I needed the money.  I was good at it too!

  Working with people came natural to me and as I grew to know the crew and the regulars it made my job easier and the money come steady. Tips were my favorite part of the job. I made more there than the hourly pay anyway. It was great to put smiles on peoples faces and awesome to be a key player and have the respect of the crew. Life was starting for me at my young age and the best part was now I had a car, a job, and FREEDOM!!

  "Freedom" came at a price, I had to slave away working hours to pay the bills to fuel my vehicle and pay my cell phone bill so mom knew where I was. It wasn't exactly freedom after all between work, school, chores, and sports. I really didn't have much time for anything else. Then to me though it was the best start to a great life filled with fortune and possibly a little fame.

A year and a half went by a lot faster then I thought it would and being offered the opportunity to move to Colorado and keep working for the same company made my heart skip a beat. Colorado, with all the mountains and its rugged landscape it would almost certainly bring adventures, fortune, and fame! Day one was mountain climbing day and as I would soon find out that is about what every day was unless you went to the river. Then it was back to work and school at least now we no longer lived on a farm and the animals being gone meant no more chores. I had a lot more free time with it being summer so I put extra effort into work and quickly was promoted to an entry level management position.

Another 2 years goes by really quickly and after a divorce and a failed business attempt I left with nothing but calling mom and going home to throw a pity party and try to get back on my feet. 2 years of being stuck on a mountain with no vehicle, no job, and not much hope... With only dial up internet minecraft saves me by giving me an opportunity to make money from hosting servers on my home computer and playing with the 6 people my stupid internet could handle. Eventually building that server into a monster of a server which in its peak had online 50+ players at any given time. Finally with the money to buy a vehicle I was able to get a job and get out of mom's. Fast forward a few months and I have a job, my own place, and a beautiful girl to keep me company.

....To be continued





Continued.....







 So now what, going back to the daily grind? The daily binging of peoples emotions to line my own pockets. No, this life isn't what I want. As my thought begin to crumble my inner most core. I begin to realize my life is not what I thought, this is not what I want and I need to find something more.



 Hope finds me in a family oriented company. Touted as one of the best restaurants in today's family dining I find myself at one of the most successful locations in the state.  Working my heart out to please everyone and put a smile on every person I meets face. I am quickly accepted in as part of the family. Told I would get promotions and promised raises all to realize the company was like all the others, their top priority was making the bottom like just a little bigger.



 What am I doing? As my thoughts begin to swim again I realize my heart is already falling away from the work I am doing. I realize as I slip back into reality my heart was not lost by my own will but rather the will of others. With my relationship already falling apart I realize I wasted another year and a half. Also worthy of mentioning I realized the work I have been doing will get me nowhere and I decide to make a big move and take a friend's offer as well as a safe place to live. The move was only across state but it meant not seeing my family but maybe a few times a year, if even that. Not to mention some of my brothers and one of the 2 sisters already was married and had moved out of state. Yes, this would mark a new journey, a new chapter, to... well, my life.

  I guess telling you that the friend's house I had previously mentioned was that of a dear friend of mine. Also to mention this friend was a very strict and forceful police officer. I have the upmost respect for him to this day and without him I would of easily fallen victim to lies of those preaching hate against officers of the law. The actions of his family easily saved my life and stopped me from falling down a rabbit hole of self destruction. I won't worry you as my mind and heart are both stronger than the evil ways of this world. As I fought the temptations the move across the state also meant I wouldn't have to worry about keeping down that tempting path.



  Safety, that is what I found. As well as finding comfort, peace, and easy living. With several other roomies I never had to worry about being bored that was for sure. The officer and I got along better than any of the others but I think that is because we both understood each other's maturity level. Although over time he decided being a cop wasn't for him and realized there was a lot more to life than enforcing the law. He also helped me realize what I wanted in life from myself as well as what not to expect from a lot of other people... but that is enough about him.



  Learning to live away from home, away from family, and start completely over was frustrating. Luckily I was able to quickly acquire employment in the fast food industry as I had prior experience that would of been stupid for anyone to pass up. Quickly within my first year I rose from minimum wage to $55,000 a year salary. I was in charge of my own store and really loving the success I had with the company. Now the kicker is the girl I mentioned earlier is still in my life and was back then. She only hated the success I had. Not out of jealousy or spite but because it simply took me away from her. Being the General Manager for a corporate company is no small task. Putting in over 100 hours some weeks but on average 85. It was my life... my focus... and I had no time for her. She hated my job for it no matter how much it made us and although it was providing a lifestyle we both thought we would enjoy... in the end. We both hated how much time we didn't get to spend enjoying what we worked so hard for...

This is not where the story ends..... 

..... And now it begins again







Where was I? Oh yes, we both hated our jobs.... I mean seriously, who doesn't?



Work work work all day long don't stop till you drop. At least that is how I felt a lot of the days I dragged myself through 12 and 18 hour shifts... For what? A pay check? To support a life I hated? It was time to make a change, it was time to make something better for myself and those I cared so much about.



"The best things in life are free" That is what a good friend once told me. I never believed him, as I climbed corporate ladders and found happiness in my success.  Then I realized that my success was short lived and my happiness was dependant on the ability to generate things for others to recognize. Not for my own pleasure but to please the expectations of the peers whom cast jealousy from their eyes.



The biggest failure in my life was so far was my own stubbornness.....

Time for a break....



.... Break has ended (no kit kats were harmed during the breaking)





Stubbornness, it can get the best of the best. The problem with my stubborn heart was that it was stopping me from being myself, from being free, and from living a life that I would enjoy.



Now, I am sure because of my free thinking and the "do it yourself attitude" that I protrude...

(Photo: **Warning GRAPHIC** )

I didn't include the photo because I hadn't figured out how to include spoilers... if possible.

 (add a comment please if you know)

Here is the link though if you wanna see blood and a hole :P

(http://imgur.com/UTY54AD)

Leads me to things like cutting my own tooth out, or well part of it anyway.



I guess my point is that most people aren't like me and are completely content living in the world and society as we know it today.



The problem with me is I wasn't, and still am not.... and I probably never will be accepted by society. Not because I am not good enough but because I am to easily prone to seeing through the fake lives and lies of the people who pretend to be living a perfect life.



Time to take a road trip....



Finally leaving jobs that were paying well but consuming our lives we decided to get out and travel. Lake Tahoe was the first destination as we set off on an 18 hour drive straight to the clearest lake I have ever seen. The beauty was immaculate. With clear water almost like glass rocks covering the bottom of the lake as did crayfish, trout spawn, and all kinds of plants and wildlife all around. The wolf and foxes we saw were among my favorite and to have a picture would of been a dream. Quickly and silently they move through the trees only offering a glimpse of their beauty to those with a careful watching eye.







With sunshine on our faces and a cool breeze in our hair we spend a wonderful day on the shores of the lake in the mountains.





After deciding it was far to expensive to stay over night we decided to drive to San Francisco... but that is where I must leave you for now.

.......... Till next time