You are not actually in love

Truly loving someone involves caring about their happiness as much as you care about your own. By implication, you need to place a high value on your happiness for love to be positively expressed. Thus, your ability to honestly and positively love someone stems from your ability to love yourself. Intimate love is a choice, not something you "fall into". It is not something that can complete you. It is a want and not a need.

Love can be easily confused with our brain's chemical bath of emotions when dealing with attraction. From the evolutionary perspective, the purpose of those chemicals is to encourage the propagation of our species. Their effect is not "love"; just an indication that you have identified a potential breeding partner. This observation is something to be considered when choosing to love someone because it has no real substance behind it unless you are only looking to procreate. Even then, natural selection is trial and error, so our chemical influences have no concern beyond experimental reproduction and the continuation of our species.

Love is frequently chosen based on a projection of one's hopes and desires, rather than reality. Because of this projecting, lovers are often disappointed by their partners as they realize the person is not who they thought they were. It is important to choose to love someone only after genuinely getting acquainted with the person they are and not just the way they make you feel.

It is not to say that one shouldn't pursue their emotions and enjoy them thoroughly. It is just crucial to know what spawns them so that one can accurately interpret them. It is easy to lose oneself otherwise.

There is no reason to rush. Date multiple people and let them know you are doing that. Practicing this is a good lesson in direct and honest communication (essential to any good relationship). It also allows you to see "the butterflies" for what they are. When you feel them for more than one person in a short period, you start to see that they are nice, but not something you should use to make relationships decisions.

It takes awareness and experience to see through the evolutionary fog and identify a real relationship worth pursuing. For a healthy relationship to form, it is crucial that both sides have a clear understanding of themselves and what they want. Self-confidence is key to maintaining honestly to both yourself and the other person.

If you know and love yourself, it is much easier to decide whether or not you have the capacity love someone else and accept their flaws. If you do not, your judgment can be very clouded, and the relationship may be based on unhealthy things such as codependency. In such cases, it may be that healthy love is not supported which can lead to stagnation. This is a disservice to both parties and is best identified and acted upon early.

An essential question is: "Are you ready to give someone your love and are they ready to accept it?"

Remember that every second you spend with someone that doesn't bring you joy is a second you aren't spending with someone who would (friend or otherwise). Value your time and don't settle for less than what maximizes your happiness. Learn the lessons you need to learn and respect yourself enough to move on when a relationship no longer fosters positive growth.

Loving someone is a skill you should always be learning and growing into. It is also the most positive emotion we can feel when it is genuine. If you are growing with someone, loving them should be natural and healthy. We are complex creatures, and there is no right way to measure our feelings for someone else accurately; one can only choose who they love wisely and keep their eyes open.

There is no such thing as perfection in love because we are not perfect, so it is important to recognize whether or not it is healthy. When it is not, move on, but until then, enjoy it!