The Mad Goat reviews Baby Driver

I was amped the fuck up. It stars Ansel Elgort, who after IMDB-ing him, I realized he was the constipation faced fucker I couldn’t stand from the Divergent series who played Shailene “gave me a” Woodley’s brother who added little to nothing to the plot. It also stared Kevin Spacey, Mad Men’s John Hamm, Jamie Foxx, that guy who will ALWAYS be Shane from The Walking Dead, and oh hey, it’s that chick who played Salma Hayek’s character in that cheesy, guilty pleasure, From Dusk Till Dawn series.

 It looked like a fresh new gangster drama/comedy, but wound up being your typical “one last job” trope. I will happily forgive a recycled plot, on account of all the plots have been used already, if I get some good fun in the process. It delivered on that account. If you like fun you won’t be disappointed in Baby Driver. 

I hear the Sequel is going to suck

 But much like that time I accidentally bought a hooker with an Adam’s apple; I had a few problems with it.  The movie starts off exactly like The Transporter. Baby is a getaway driver for bank robbers he obviously doesn’t know. He is supernaturally good at his job, despite being in the age bracket designated by Geico to not be able to drive for shit. You get the impression and it is kinda hinted at, that he might be slightly autistic or something, but they never really flesh that out. Baby is partially deaf, but not enough for it to be a major plot point. He can read lips, but it never really matters. His partial deafness matters even less because he is listening to music on his headphones through the entire movie. He also responds to people when he isn’t looking at them while listening to music. He uses music to flesh out his emotions and…something… but it never really matters. Actually, his whole persona seems tied to hearing things. He doesn’t talk much; which is good because the writers didn’t have to bother having him explain any of his motivations, much like Ryan Gosling in Drive. 

After the opening bank robbery, Shane is an ungrateful dick to Baby so we all know Shane is a bad guy. Then you never see him again. Kevin Spacey is Baby’s boss who pimps him out to criminals he hires to do jobs, exactly like John Voight’s character in Heat. He also mentions that he never works with the same crew twice, just like his character in The Usual Suspects. When Baby was younger he stole a car full of something valuable from Kevin Spacey and now owes him, just like Kevin Pollak in The Usual Suspects. Baby does jobs to pay Kevin Spacey back, even though Kevin Spacey gives him stacks of cash every time. Baby lives with an elderly black, deaf, foster parent, but this never really matters. 

Next up Baby drives for Jamie Foxx and Flea in an armored car robbery that turns violent `because some guy in a truck starts chasing them who doesn’t appear to have anything to do with law enforcement.  The guy in the truck dies in a wreck and one of the bank robbers gets murdered by Jamie Foxx because he left his shotgun in the getaway car. Baby has to dispose of the body and spends about two seconds feeling bad about it by listening to “Easy Like Sunday Morning” on his iPod and quietly brooding just like Ryan Gosling in Drive. Baby falls for a non-important waitress who works at the diner his mom worked at before she died, which really doesn’t matter, who is attracted to him for absolutely no reason. They go on a date and Kevin Spacey shows up and tells Baby he doesn’t owe him anymore, but has to keep working forever or he’ll kill him and everyone he loves. 

Don't mess with jamie Foxx

The next day Kevin Spacey makes Baby scope out a post office he wants to steal blank money-orders from. Kevin Spacey has Baby and criminals from the two previous jobs go pick up a bunch of guns from some corrupt cops he knows. Thus breaking his own rule, like Patrick Swayze in Point Break. He didn’t mention to the crew the cops were his friends and Jamie Foxx winds up killing all of them. Baby seems almost mildly upset about all the murder. Kevin Spacey tells them they all need to get out of town and they say no and after a shoulder shrug or two from Kevin Spacey the job is back on.

 I would never in a million years ruin a good movie so I won’t tell you the ending, (spoilers ahead) but the heists goes tits up, Baby gives all his money to his foster dad while a police helicopter has a spotlight on him. More innocent people die. Kevin Spacey turns good guy for a split second and gives baby more money. Baby murders Jamie Foxx, is responsible for the death of the Big Lots version of Salma Hayek, then murders Mad Men. Baby gives himself up and gets locked up for his role in grand grand grand grand theft, murder, accomplice to murder, grand theft auto, speeding, failure to stop at a red light, evading arrest, and whatever else he did. Because witnesses said he seemed like a nice guy while he did all of it, he only got five years. When he gets out the waitress who knew him for a combined six hours of her life is waiting.  

Also, it never mentions why Baby is called Baby. I have to assume it’s because nobody puts him in a corner.

Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5